Paging Jon Solomon…

Posted in Baseball at 11:26 pm by

Anna Benson, as profiled in this week’s New Yorker (note to David Roth : no photos, so this is “work safe”).

Anna’s less interesting half, Mets starter Kris, was on the losing end of tonight’s 7-0 defeat at the hands of the surprising Arizona Diamondbacks. Jose Cruz Jr. connected for a 2 run HR off Benson in the visitors’ half of the first, while Arizona’s LHP Brad Halsey (above, 4-2) struck out 6 over 7 shutout innings. That Halsey proved more dominant against the Mets than the pitcher he was traded for (Randy Johnson) is something else for George Steinbrenner to groan about.

CF Carlos Beltran made his first start for New York in 9 games, going 0 for 4 while stranding 5 runners. Beltran was hitting .340 against lefties entering tonight’s game, Mike Piazza hitting .367. Neither managed anything off Halsey.

Taking a tip from Frank Thomas’ notebook in how not to make a full recovery, Juan Gonzalez made his 2005 debut for the Indians….and was promptly removed after aggravating his hamstring injury during the first inning of tonight’s victory against the Twins.

Despite all the intense cost cutting measures that have taken place at Time-Warner the past few years, the Atlanta Braves still managed to waste a million bucks on Raul Mondesi. If they raise the prices on Meatwad merchandise, you’ll know why.

CSTB’s Invasion Of Troubled Celeb’s Privacy Not Acknowledged

Posted in Blogged Down at 10:55 pm by

Defamer thinks there’s something noteworthy about sneering at Pat O’Brien’s most recent public appearance.

And there was….the day after it happened.

I’m not gonna claim I invented harrassing famous people. Truth be told, I’m not very good at it (and the Pat-ster was already photographed by one and all at Coachella many weeks ago). Which makes a snub like this doubly frustrating.

Royals Ring Bell

Posted in Baseball at 5:33 pm by

K.C. announced today that they would somehow resist the opportunity to give Terry Collins or Art Howe another major league managing job, instead opting for that glittering prize Buddy Bell.

Bell, whose record of 345-462 over six years skippering the Tigers and Rockies makes him all-too qualified to lead the Royals to a last place finish (they have one heck of a head start already) would’ve been my 6th or 7th choice for the job after Whitey Herzog, Dallas Green, Bobby Valentine, Darren McGavin as “Kolchak : The Night Stalker”, Leon Lee’s trousers, Stump Merrill and John McGraw.

All You Need To Know About Our Debt-Crazy Society…

Posted in Boxing at 1:37 pm by

…is that Mike Tyson can still get a mortgage worth $1.7 million. From Newsday’s Wallace Matthews.

Tyson creaks when he gets out of bed, worries about his children, frets over how classmates will taunt them about their infamous father, and wrestles with precisely how to break the news to them about his past before someone beats him to it.

He owns fast motorcycles he has grown leery of riding. He recently – get this! – turned down the offer of a free Aston-Martin AR-1, James Bond’s ride, because what he needs more than anything now is a house.

He lost his palatial homes in Las Vegas, Ohio, Connecticut and New Jersey to ex-wives or bankruptcy. Right now he’s sleeping on the couch in the home of the mother of his two youngest children. Last year, home was a rented one-bedroom house in a Phoenix suburb.

Tyson tries to keep up appearances, arriving at the gym in a gleaming white Hummer H2. “It’s all I got left, man,” he said.

Like a lot of people his age, Tyson is downsizing. But “downsizing” is a relative term.

Despite filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in November 2003, claiming $55 million in debts and $5,583 in cash, Tyson last week was able to scrape up $420,000 for a down payment on a $2.1-million house in Paradise Valley’s exclusive Mummy Mountain district. Despite the bankruptcy and continuing debt, he secured a mortgage with a monthly payment of nearly $11,000.

“His ‘broke’ is a little different from your ‘broke’ or mine,” said Steven Espinoza, Tyson’s bankruptcy attorney.

Epinoza, a master of understatement in this instance, must be one hell of a lawyer. Clearly, solvency is overrated.

Big Hurt Hobbled

Posted in Baseball at 10:17 am by

Chicago’s Frank Thomas (above) returned from his Charlotte, NC rehab assignment yesterday, just in time to strain his right hip flexor in his team’s 5-4 win over the Angels.

On the same afternoon the White Sox announced a contract extension for manager Ozzie Guillen, it would seem as though GM Kenny Williams has been wise not to negotiate a new pact with Thomas, much as letting Magglio Ordonez walk has yet to kill Chicago.

The Rangers Are In First Place Because : Kenny Rogers, 5-0 with a 0.92 ERA in the month of May. The guy is amazing when pitching in a place where no one gives a shit.

Lawrence On Detroit Disharmony

Posted in Basketball at 9:50 am by

Wondering why the Cavs couldn’t have waited for Detroit’s season to end before interviewing/hiring Larry Brown? The New York Daily News’ Mitch Lawrence suggests — as will many if the Pistons don’t repeat — that their coach’s latest case of wanderlust has undermined his authority.

As the Pistons melted down late in the fourth quarter Sunday night, they displayed the classic signs of a team that knows that its leader has one foot out the door. How else to explain the two technical fouls assessed to Rasheed Wallace and Chauncey Billups, 40 seconds apart, with the Pistons still having the chance to win? How else to explain a veteran championship team coming totally unglued at the end of a crucial home playoff game? How else to explain a team that seemed to tune out its coach while falling behind to the Heat, 2-1?

Asked if he thought his rumored run to Cleveland is posing a major distraction, Brown, stopped as he walked off the practice floor and wore a quizzical look.

“This has been going on how long?” he said yesterday. “I mean, it was New York. Then it was L.A. Now it’s Cleveland. Before, it was Denver.”

“I’m In Rehab With Christian Slater” Domain Name Already Snapped Up

Posted in The World Of Entertainment at 9:02 am by

To paraphrase Dean Wormer, drunk, stupid and mimicking Jack Nicholson is no way to go through life.