A Version Of “Mother” That Will Have You Crying “Uncle”

Posted in Free Expression, Rock Und Roll at 2:50 am by

The folks at Legion Of Rock Stars have already done their worst to Loverboy and Billy Idol, but there’s little that can prepare you for their meditation on, uh, Chuck Biscuits’ sole entry in the Billboard Top 40. (thanks to Eric Bradford for the link)


CSTB Contributor’s Fantasies Revealed

Posted in Baseball, Sports Journalism at 9:16 pm by

(this man would surely not approve)

Salutations to longtime CSTB fixture David Roth on the publication of “My Overactive Fantasy Life : What Happens When You Love Your Fantasy Team A Litte Too Much” in Wednesday’s edition of Slate. David describes a growing social problem with harrowing detail :

It started with simple flip-overs to WGN from Mets games. You know, an innocent, Oh, I wonder if Jermaine Dye is up”I could really use a two-run single and two stolen bases from him. Then it became a full-on addiction. I watched my fantasy players’ at-bats with an intensity that I can’t bring to Mets games until the weather starts getting cold. I watched them not only instead of Mets games, but also instead of whatever else I was supposed to be doing. I write “watched” instead of “watch” because, after hitting bottom a couple of weeks ago, I’m trying to change.

My moment of clarity came on a beautiful April afternoon at Shea Stadium. For the first time in my Mets-attending life, I was treated to the spectacle of the Mets putting a nice, easy walloping on the Atlanta Braves, their longtime divisional nemesis. But there was a complicating factor: One of my fantasy pitchers, Chuck James, was starting for the Braves. So, while I enjoyed watching the Mets pound him silly, I felt empty high-fiving my friends as runs five and six crossed the plate. My mouth said the right things, but my fantasy-sodden brain wondered why a nice 3-1 win (with, say, one of the runs being unearned and James registering eight or so strikeouts) couldn’t have sufficed. It was then that I decided that I needed to get a handle on this.

Given that David’s squad in the Charlie Kerfeld Memorial League is currently 9th out of 13 teams, I think we can safely say he is making ample progress towards sanity.

If Mike Gillespie Can’t Have You, No One Can

Posted in Basketball, The Law at 4:56 pm by

You’d think a Division I hoop coach would know better than most what constitutes a recruiting violation. From the AP :

Florida A&M University men’s basketball coach Mike Gillespie Sr. was placed on paid leave Wednesday after his arrest last week on misdemeanor stalking charges.

Florida A&M Athletic Director Nelson Townsend said Gillespie would remain on leave until the charges have been resolved.

Police said they were called Friday morning by a woman, who said Gillespie stalked her at work last week. A police report said Gillespie had been investigated several times since March 2005 on stalking complaints, but Friday was the first time he was charged.

Gillespie is free on bond, but subject to monitoring and under orders to stay away from the woman who accused him of stalking her.

Gillespie’s attorney, Tim Jansen, didn’t return a call for comment Wednesday, but he said last week that the alleged stalking “didn’t happen.”

Owner With A Boner Involved In USFL II?

Posted in Gridiron, The Marketplace at 4:42 pm by

From the Dallas Morning News :

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is part of a group considering formation of a football league that would compete with the NFL for players drafted lower than the second round.

The league, still very much in the preliminary stage, would play its games on Friday nights. The NFL does not play then because of the potential conflict with high school football.

“It’s a pretty simple concept,” Cuban said in an e-mail to The Associated Press. “We think there is more demand for pro football than supply.”

The proposal was first disclosed by The New York Times on its Web site, which said it was the idea of Bill Hambrecht, a Wall Street investor who was a minority partner in the Oakland Invaders of the USFL, which played in the spring from 1983-85. Sharon Smith, a spokeswoman for Hambrecht and Company, had no comment and said Hambrecht was traveling and unavailable to talk about the idea.

Cuban said in his e-mail he believes the salary cap makes it easier to compete financially with the NFL because of the salary imbalance that leaves lower-level players with lower salaries. That would allow the new league to fill its rosters with players taken lower than the second round, as well as late NFL cuts and free agents who escape the NFL draft.

Despite the failure of the USFL and Vince McMahon’s XFL, I have a terrible feeling Cuban is on to something here.  There might well be just enough football degenerates who’d enjoy a Friday evening slate of pro ball as a precursor to the weekend’s other action.  And imagine how deep the talent pool might be if the new league were willing to employ all the players Roger Goodell has either banned or is about to ban?

Not only am I beyond psyched for the possiblity, however remote, of Austin hosting one of the league’s proposed 8 franchises, but a lineup featuring Michael Vick, Pacman Jones and Chris Henry would be awfully tough to beat.

Mark E. To Malcom Middleton’s Ex : Don’t Get Funny

Posted in Rock Und Roll at 2:25 pm by

The only thing more inevitable than a Fall lineup change or the umpteenth occasion of Mark E. Smith following a relative dud album with one that’s shockingly good…would be TV or radio appearances like the one above. Surely Mark’s autobiography could be the greatest case of setting-the-record-straight since Lance Rentzel’s “When All The Laughter Died In Sorrow”?

It’s A Cheap Lousy Smear Campaign, I Tell Ya

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down, History's Great Hook-Ups at 1:47 pm by

And apparently, the NY Post’s treatment of Alex Rodridguez is a major invasion of privacy, too.

First of all, this isn’t the first time the Post has connected A-Rod to an adult entertainment establishment. Secondly, there’s a word for male celebrities who are regularly linked to strip joints.  But since I don’t have Kevin Spacey’s number, I can’t ask what he thinks of all this.

One of Baseball Think Factory’s more reasoned commentators was moved to make the following statement :

It seems to me that sites like Deadspin, Can’t Stop The Bleeding, Kissing Suzy Kolber, and With Leather brought on the Liz Smith version of sports coverage. My railing against Will Leitch is mainly sour grapes. It sounds like he has a fun job [but I have an inkling of a doubt about that Berman story which propelled Deadspin into my consciousness (and likely the consciousness of others.)] Meanwhile, I spend more time posting here than performing my boring paperpushing that I’m supposed to do in this adult day care center that is called my job.

Hey, hang on a minute, pal.  Not only does CSTB predate each and every member of the yuckster blog frat cited by a wide margin, but a) I don’t get the comparison and b) much as I’m happy to characterize their daily offerings as one-giant-suckfest,  since when did tabloid gossip columns take their cue from blogs?   Believe it or not, when Jose Canseco was seen leaving Madonna’s apartment in 1904, said story wasn’t blog-inspired.  When Wade Boggs was in the midst of Margo Adamsgate, he couldn’t have spelled blog if you’d spotted him the log (and perhaps he still can’t).

A Remind About Tonight’s Events At The Scoot Inn

Posted in Internal Affairs, Rock Und Roll at 1:25 pm by

In the likely event you’ve already forgotten, myself + Matt Baab will be playing records and hosting your otherwise deadly desperate Wednesday night, May 30 at the Scoot Inn, 1308 East 4th St., Austin.

If you’re the kind of person who cares either way, tonight’s San Antonio/Utah Game 5 should be available in vibrant technicolor on the Scoot’s flat screen. The volume will have to be turned down, however, so as not to drown out the sounds of King Tubby with Jeff Van Gundy’s commentary.

Also, if you can’t make it, don’t feel obliged to write, text or call explaining why. I’m just going to assume that each and every one of you are (extremely) fair weather friends. But you’ll note the weather today is quite fair.

coming :

June 6 – Jimmy Flemion (The Frogs), plus me and a bag of records.
June 13 – Pink Nasty, plus someone who may or may not be me, playing records. Just not the same pile as the previous week.