Wevie Stonder II Shows The Proper Way To Brace Oneself For Being Swept By The Royals

Posted in Baseball, Hip Hop at 9:16 pm by

Though the Halos’ mid-week stumbles against K.C. are now consigned to history (with El Barto taking a loss today against Baltimore), MLB.com’s Larry Santana bore witness to the sort of clubhouse tomfoolery that should have musicologists and Angels fans alike looking for the razorblades (link swiped from the Fanhouse’s Tom Fornelli)

Moments before taking the field to close out a three-game series against Kansas City Wednesday, Angels starter Jered Weaver (above) — the right-hander scheduled to take the mound that afternoon — and reliever Dustin Moseley displayed the dexterity (sort of) they possess in their other limbs.

Trading the high-priced arms they flaunt so masterfully on a baseball diamond for the opportunity to show off the dancing prowess in the limbs below their waists, the pair put on a show for a group of amused reporters as the Shop Boyz’s “Party Like a Rock Star” blared from the clubhouse speakers.

“Party like a rock, party like a rock star. Party like a rock, party like a rock star. Party like a rock, party like a rock star. Party like a rock star. Tuh-tuh totally dude!”

The pregame dance routine apparently remedied the ailing right shoulder and strep throat that kept Weaver from toeing the rubber for 11 days. Through seven innings, he allowed a single run on four hits in a losing effort. Not to be outdone, Moseley tossed two near-flawless innings to end the contest, surrendering only one hit.

But the hip-hop music that inspired the spontaneous display is as permanent a fixture in the Angels’ clubhouse as the players, coaches and physicians that frequent its haunts.

The mix, including tracks from Akon, Swizz Beatz and T-Pain, begins with Rich Boy’s “Throw Some D’s On It,” an ode to extravagant rims placed on equally extravagant automobiles — quite a fitting parallel for the club with one of the gaudiest number of wins in the Majors.

But not every member of the Angels is particularly enthused by this mix. While maintaining that he is indeed a fan of the genre, reliever Chris Bootcheck waxes nostalgic for the glory days of Hip-Hop Past — the days defined by iconic martyrs Christopher “The Notorious B.I.G.” Wallace and Tupac Shakur.

“I’m really diluted to hip-hop right now,” Bootcheck said. “Everything just sounds the same. I really like the older stuff; Biggie, Tupac. They were worth it.”

If Bootcheck is ever granted control of the stereo, perhaps the long-deceased duo will reemerge in Anaheim.

Uh, yeah. And then they’ll get high with Rex Hudler.

Klapisch : What’s Up With Free Swinging Robbie Cano?

Posted in Baseball at 8:58 pm by

Insisting “(Robinson Cano’s struggles are a microcosm of everything that’s so far gone wrong with the Yankees this summer,” the Bergen Record’s Bob Klapisch writes off the Yankee 2B as being “on a long, flat road to nowhere, under-achieving at the ripe old age of 24.”

Cano’s curse is that he was so impressive in only his second year in the major leagues. It’s not just that Cano finished third in the American League in batting last year, it’s that he’d improved by 45 points from his rookie season.

No wonder scouts were touting Cano as the eventual No. 3 hitter in the Bombers’ lineup: His swing was full of power and grace, not to mention that ultra-hip quality that cannot be taught. If Cano could slam 15 homers so early in his career, imagine what he’d do with another 2-3 years of mentoring from Jeter.

“All the time,” is what general manager Brian Cashman said when asked if other executives were asking about Cano. At least they used to. These days, the phone lines are silent. No one’s seeking a trade for Cano. No one seems to be able to figure out who he is in 2007 “ whether he’s suffering through a delayed sophomore slump, or if he’s been infected by the malaise that permeates the rest of the lineup, or if Cano has, consciously or not, put his career on autopilot.

He sees only 3.37 pitches per plate appearance, the fewest among the Yankees. The majority of Cano’s at-bats are over in just one or two pitches. Call it anxiety or pressure — or fear of striking out — but Cano hacks at the first good pitch he sees, a philosophy that runs counter to the Yankees’ system-wide indoctrination.

Cano went 0 for 3 earlier today as Chad Gaudin and Rich Harden combined to one-hit the (defused) Bombers, in Oakland’s 7-0 win in the Bronx.  I’ve yet to watch a replay of Scott Proctor’s postgame antics, but even Paul Lo Duca thinks he overreacted.

The Rockies’ Jeff Francis, LaTroy Hawkins and Jeremy Afeldt collaborated on a 4-hit clean sheet against the Astros tonight, snapping Colorado’s 5 game losing streak. Not so conincidently, Brian Fuentes and his dripping cannisters of kerosene remained in the bullpen.

Scott Long Befuddled By Talking Corpse

Posted in Free Expression, The World Of Entertainment at 8:28 pm by

The Juice’s Scott Long wonders “why anyone under the age of 50 watches Larry King?”, despite the fact he answered his own question with the following ;

King was always a weird guy. He has worn more suspenders than Mork from Ork. He has treated people calling into his show like they were telemarketers and he was on a don’t call list. At some point, KIng decided that he needed to offer up his inane movie reviews for public consumption, which outside of PR people form film companies, serves no useful purpose for the planet.. His previously mentioned interview style is one where soft-ball questions are followed up by non-sequitors, which generally leave you scratching your head. Truthfully, his show is such a trainwreck anymore that the only thing that is compelling about watching is to see what crazy-ass comment/question he is going to throw out next.

Well, yeah. Because not only was Larry caling Ringo, “George” kind of a once-in-a-lifetime moment, that wasn’t even the most fucked up part of McCartney & Starr’s sitdown with King.  For instance, what could be hotter TV than the former Beatles drummer hailing Macca as “one of the most melodic bassists of all-time”, and Larry asking, “what does…melodic mean?”

Diddy & Hoops : A Laff Riot…Until Someone Is Trampled To Death

Posted in Basketball, Blogged Down at 7:27 pm by

The Fanhouse’s Miss Gossip
thought it would kinda entertaining to imagine what might happen if alleged recording artist Sean Combs was asked to assess the Draft Night duds of aspiring studs like UNC’s Brendan Wright (above). And while the results were funnier than say, imagining Chris Benoit doing the honors instead (“Smile or die! No need to cover up those braces, there’s no shame in trying to straighten out your grill. Everybody has something they need to work on … my secret is I used to have acne until I started using Proactiv.”), I’ll remind everyone that those assembled at the WaMu Theatre the other night are very, very lucky P. Diddy had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with staging said event.

Even Pariahs Deserve Better Protection

Posted in Baseball at 4:48 pm by

He’s a deeply divisive figure, a man whose achievements rankle nearly all with any appreciation whatsoever for his chosen field.

But enough about Eddie Vedder. What’s up with the security in San Francisco? And how soon can they be reassigned to the Secret Service?

The Bitterly Divided Mets

Posted in Baseball, Racism Corner at 4:28 pm by

If the Metropolitans (leading 5-3 after 4 1/2) hang on this afternoon at CBP, they’ll have taken 3 consecutive from the Phillies and 8 of their last 9. That would be an impressive enough achievement coming off a miserable prior 3 weeks of play, but it’s especially noteworthy in light of Paulie Large Nuts’ verbal hate crimes and the way he has singlehandedly fashioned a work environment marked by intolerance and fear.

It was just two weeks ago that a national magazine described David Wright and Jose Reyes “hugging and tussling like puppies.”   But last night, the former, impressionable as always —- in a video clip provided by Pick Me Up Some Mets — was shown engaged in the vicious hazing of teammate Ramon Castro.

Clearly, it is time for Omar Minaya to enlist the calming influence of a person so universally beloved, he’s the one man capable of cutting through the racial cliques and bringing this team back together.

Does anyone have John Franco’s phone number?

Bradshaw’s Supercuts Endorsement Is In Serious Jeopardy

Posted in Basketball, Fashion at 3:58 pm by

(your no. 9 overall pick goes corporate on Thursday, but really knows how to let it all hang out on casual Friday)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Joakim Noah, Quote Machine (from True Hoop) :

Q: You’re going to Chicago, large market; how much more marketable do you feel for the shoe companies and/or the hair companies or anything else?

Noah: Oh, I feel so marketable, you have no idea. I’m so marketable; yes. That’s exactly why I wanted to go to Chicago; to be marketable. (Laughter).