04.30.08

DeShawn Stevenson, Fashion Plate

Posted in Basketball, Fashion at 11:26 pm by

Was the John Riggins throwback in the laundry?  DC Sports Bog’s Dan Steinberg describes DeShawn’s sartorial decision as “something to make absolutely sure I never land that mainstream endorsement deal. Some crowning gesture–ridiculously, brazenly dark and disturbing– that perfectly sums up what I’ve done this month: turned myself into a comic-book villain, a prototypical WWE heel, a man you might hate but simply can’t ignore.”

Hey, it’s not as though Stevenson wore a tee reading “I BELIEVE THE ROCKET” to shootaround. Either way, however, we’ll see what sort of fashion statement he opts for Friday night, as the Wizards have forced a Game 6 after LeBron missed a layup with 3.9 seconds remaining in Game 5 earlier tonight.  Cleveland’s 88-87 victory narrows the Wizards’ series lead to 3-2, and comes just hours after Gilbert Arenas announced he’s done for this postseason.

Wednesday marked the end of Avery Johnson’s tenure with Dallas, but as luck would have it, the former Mavericks head coach posted the following advertisement on Craigslist You Go Live In Utah a day earlier :

NEED AN AUCTION CALLER? HUMAN TORNADO SIREN? EVER WANTED TO HIRE SOMEONE WITH A JOHN WATERS MUSTACHE?

I’m your guy. My name is Avery Johnson and I am looking to obtain employment that will utilize my skills both as a man with very powerful lungs and very little idea of how to coach a professional sports team. I am a published author of a book about learning from failure, of which I have experienced much as of late. And if it’s a professional looking office environment in which I am employed, the good news is that I have plenty of suits and ties. If you find my skills to your liking, I hope you won’t mind if I wear my championship ring during the interview. It’s kind of my lucky charm.

Buzz Bissinger Has Accomplished The Near Impossible

Posted in Blogged Down, Buzz Bissinger Needs Professional Help, Sports Journalism, Sports TV at 8:21 pm by

He’s managed in the space of one premium cable roundtable chat, to make Will Leitch seem like an a thoroughly reasonable, if not likeable character by comparison.

Of course, Buzz has already demonstrated that he’s out of his fucking mind.

Yet Another Setback For America’s Leading Advocate For A Quality Public Education

Posted in Baseball at 8:07 pm by

It took a mere 71 pitches for Atlanta’s Mike Hampton (above) to feel discomfort in his strained left pectoral muscle during a rehab assignment Wednesday for Richmond (IL) versus Durham.  Conversely, it took about 25 pitches by the Mets’ Oliver Perez (5 BB, 7 runs, 2 earned, 1.2 IP) today for those in attendance at Shea to suffer severe discomfort in their skulls and stomachs.  Pittsburgh beat the Mets, 13-1, and about the nicest thing a fan of the home team can say about the contest is that it’s lovely to see Aaron Heilman get in some quality mop-up work.

MLB Umpire Jerry Crawford left Tuesday’s Cubs/Brewers tilt in the third inning with what’s being called “a bad reaction to medicine”. Scott Weiland and Eliezer Alfonso can only shake their heads and wonder about the double standar.

How Can The U.S. Media Ignore The Ronaldo Scandal?

Posted in Are You A Boy Or Are You A Girl?, Fashion, Football, History's Great Hook-Ups at 2:51 pm by

Never mind his alleged hookup(s), what the fuck is going on with Ronaldo’s hair?

On behalf of the entire Clemens family, I do hope the American print and electronic media will give this story all the attention it deserves.

Tampa Scribe Resistant To Tracy Ullman’s Many Charms

Posted in Hockey, Sports TV at 2:35 pm by

The Tampa Tribune’s Erik Eriendsson, coping rather well after years of being a Courtney Love sideman, adds his voice to the chorus of national columnists wondering just-what-is-up with Versus and their cable or satellite provider.

I would like to thank DirecTV tonight for screwing me out of the first five minutes of the third period of the Dallas-San Jose game. I flipped over during the second intermission to catch the end of Mystery, Alaska in just enough time to see Connor Banks ring one off the crossbar as the final seconds ticked off to see the Mystery boys drop one to the New York Rangers. And after getting my 3-year-old a sip of milk after he woke up, I flipped back over only to see Tracy Ullman fold up her laptop computer while in bed, then complain about cramps before putting the still warm computer in her abdominal region. I then got to see previews of some show called The Secret Life of a Call Girl, The Weeds, Penn and Teller™s Bullsh!! and the opening minutes of The Tudors.

There’s always the chance Eriendsson’s cat stepped on the remote and flipped to Showtime. But it’s so much more fun to presume there’s a vast global conspiracy to fuck over hockey fans at every available opportunity.

Had the Rangers Won That Game, Sean Avery Would Be Willis Reed

Posted in Hockey at 1:04 pm by

From the WWL’s Scott Burnside:


The New York Rangers said forward Sean Avery suffered a lacerated spleen in Tuesday night’s Stanley Cup playoff game and will be lost for the remainder of the playoffs.

The team also denied a published report in the New York Daily News — which first reported Avery’s hospitalization — that the forward had been taken to a Manhattan hospital while unconscious and in cardiac arrest.

The Rangers said Avery was admitted to St. Vincent’s Medical Center following a CT scan and is expected to make a full recovery. Avery walked into the medical facility with team doctor Andrew Feldman, and the two took a car to the hospital, not an emergency vehicle, the team said.

Michael Fagan, spokesman for St. Vincent’s Medical Center, said Avery is in “stable” condition.Tuesday night, the Rangers lost 5-3 in the Stanley Cup playoffs against the Pittsburgh Penguins at Madison Square Garden. The Penguins took a 3-0 series lead with the win.

Avery suffered the injury as the result of a hit during the game, spokesman John Rosasco told reporters during the team’s morning workout.

“He walked into the hospital,” Rosasco said. “He was never in a life-threatening situation.”

Avery’s mother Marlene told the Toronto Sun that the injury occured in the first period as the result of a collision with a Penguins defenseman and that he played the remainder of the game in a great deal of pain. She said her son’s spleen had not ruptured, but that he had suffered internal bleeding.

Avery played 14 minutes and 34 seconds of Game 3, taking 19 shifts on the ice. He finished the game before going to hospital, according to the team. He has seven points in eight playoff games this spring.

There’s no longer any mention of a heart attack (nor a correction) in the Daily News. Does this mean we can’t trust them on Mindy McCready either?

AHL Hockey Is Still Your Finest Entertainment Value…

Posted in Hockey at 12:00 pm by

…and a terrific way of ignoring how thoroughly Scranton’s parent club have humiliated the Rangers over the past 3 games.  From The Wilkes-Barre Citizens Voice :

Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins captain Nathan Smith will be suspended for the first game of the second round of the playoffs, coach Todd Richards announced Tuesday morning.

Smith was charged with public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, open lewdness and indecent exposure after he ran naked into the street as part of what he called “a prank that went wrong” early Sunday morning in Scranton.

“Guys have to be held accountable for their actions,” Richards said. “That’s what we’ve done all year. That’s what we will continue to do. Yes, we are here to win games, but when situations like this arise, that’s not the most important thing.”

Smith also met with the media and was apologetic.

“I recognize the fact that being a member of this team, part of our job is being a good role model in the community,” he said. “What I did was out of character for myself and is something I’ll always remember and never do again.”

Richards said he had not yet decided whether Smith would continue to act as the team’s captain. Veteran winger Dennis Bonvie said he thought Smith should continue in that role.

“Take that blip out of the screen and he’s been an unbelievable leader for us,” Bonvie said. “Does he deserve to be the captain? Yeah, he does. Other people will say, ‘Well, look what he did.’ Yeah, he did that, but he’s dealt with it head on and he’s dealt with it face up. Is he still the captain of our hockey club? As far as we’re concerned he is. He’s definitely the captain of our hockey club.”