06.27.08

Ducks Drop Bertuzzi

Posted in Hockey at 1:20 pm by

 Bertuzzi tears up for SDRE's Diary

TSN.ca reports that the Anaheim Mighty Ducks placed Todd Bertuzzi on waivers today with the ultimate intention of buying out the remaining year of the two-year, eight-million-dollar contract he signed last summer. It’s difficult to stomach one of the NHL’s true class acts being without a home, but I imagine some team direly in need of a once-dominant power forward with crippled confidence will give Bert his fifth home in four years.

I must admit that the possibility of Bertuzzi and Rangers super-pest and pending free agent Sean Avery landing on the same team is tantalizing. Imagine the potential increase in merchandising revenue from fans hoping to deface their new jerseys. Somebody call Gary Bettman. Hell, he might even create a new expansion franchise for the occasion, since Penguins agitator Jarkko Ruttu is also available.

The Ultimate Sterling/Waldman Memento. Sort Of

Posted in Baseball, Free Expression, Sports Radio at 10:36 am by

(image — cropped without authorization — by David Velasco, taken from The Skinny)

WFMU’s Kenny G. aka Kenneth Goldsmith (above) is the unexpected beneficiary of a (qualified) plug from Phil Mushnick in Friday’s NY Post :

Perhaps the oddest sports book ever written stars John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. Seriously. “Sports” is a soft cover “written” by conceptualist Kenneth Goldsmith for Make Now publications. It is, start to finish, the full transcription, ad-reads and promos included, of the WCBS-AM broadcast of the Aug. 18, 2006 Yanks-Red Sox, a nine-inning game that lasted 4:45.

Thus, the book begins with, “1-800 LAW-CASH reminds you that this copyrighted broadcast is presented by authority of the …” and, 119 pages later, closes with, “Goes to Rivera covering. In time for the out. Ball game over! The Yankees win! The Yankees win!”

At $16.50 it would make the perfect gift for, umm, John Sterling.

A March 2008 interview with Goldsmith about “Sports” can be heard here.

The Sports Putz : Thoroughy Unfamiliar With CSTB…

Posted in Blogged Down at 10:06 am by

…and perhaps not so well versed in using search engines, either.  While a star-studded collection of sports media icons paid homage to outgoing Deadspin editor Wil Leitch yesterday (the funniest entry being J.E. Skeets’ recreation of the “Costas Now” blog segment), Page 2’s Bill Simmons offered the following tribute :

Here’s when I knew you had the sports blogosphere by the balls: When you gave a soccer column to an editor at Harper Collins, then that same editor signed you to a book deal … and nobody made a big deal about it or brought up the blatant conflict of interest. That was amazing.

That CSTB isn’t on Simmons’ blogroll
is neither offensive nor surprising.  But if a connected, culturally savvy guy like Bill isn’t reading Gawker anymore either….I might finally have found something in common with him.   Besides the deep appreciation for Eddie Vedder and Adam Duritz, that is.

Since We Can’t Find The Clip Of Steven Wright’s Chat With Fran Healy, This Will Have To Do

Posted in Baseball, Free Expression, Sports TV, The World Of Entertainment at 9:42 am by

Shit. Piss. Fuck. Cunt. Cocksucker. Motherfucker. Tits. Kiner.  (video swiped from Neil Best’s Watchdog)

A Trusted Colleague Is Way Too Familiar With The Former Mookie Blaylock’s Tour Itinerary

Posted in Hockey, The Mailbag at 2:47 am by

(much like the rest of us,  the finest American-born hockey player of his generation cannot pick his friends)

Earlier this morning when I referenced the ’08 NBA Draft, I mistakenly claimed the venue was Madison Square Garden. Actually, the event took place at the adjacent WaMu Theatre,  because the World’s Most Dysfunctional Arena was otherwise occupied, as Dave Scheid from Where Is The Hotel? reminds us.

i saw this from the blog:
“How enraged was the mob at MSG last night? Even Jeff Lageman was booing the Knicks™ selection of Danilo Gallinari at no. 6 overall.”

and i thought.  “oh shit!  wow… why was gerard at the pearl jam show last night”.

in the middle of the show ed ved tells a little story about being asked to come perform in december for the retirement of brian leetch’s jersey.  he’s a big fan, ed says. and looking up in the rafters ed mentions that there aren’t a lot of numbers retired here, so it’s a special honor.  and the stage is facing these two giant banners with retired numbers and names.  messier, #11. leetch #2. elton john, 60 shows.
and at the end of ed’s speech he says “so brian, we hear you’re a real nice guy and you’re a great athlete. so, this one’s for you #11 Brian Leetch”

then one of the olsen twins threw up on chris martin.

06.26.08

Welcome To New York, Danilo Gallinari

Posted in Basketball, New York, New York at 11:42 pm by

How enraged was the mob at MSG last night? Even Jeff Lageman was booing the Knicks’ selection of Danilo Gallinari at no. 6 overall.  While I personally would’ve loved to see New York take a flier on G D.J. Augustin (who might’ve been a stretch at no. 9), I’m still eager to see him regain the consistent form he flashed prior to his sophmore year in Austin . He’ll try to do so in a Bobcats uniform, however, and the Daily News’ Frank Isola predicts the selection of Gallinari means David Lee is a goner.

I™m hearing that the Knicks could be working on a deal with the Charlotte Bobcats to acquire point guard Raymond Felton for Lee, who played for Bobcats coach Larry Brown.

When Mike D™Antoni coached the Phoenix Suns he gave the front office a the thumbs-down to drafting Lee because he felt that Lee wasn™t a good enough shooter.

If Brown’s that commited to acquiring young talent he previously stunted nutured, surely Memphis would consider trading Darko Milicic?

Mobile Update : Davis and Church Make Their Coney Island Debuts

Posted in Baseball at 7:18 pm by

While the majority of you are presuamably enjoying the NBA draft this evening, I’m at Keyspan Park watching a crucial NY-Penn League clash between The ‘Lil Wilpons and the division leading Aberdeen Ironbirds. Someone’s handed out Thunderstix and for the love of God, I would like to know why.

The ‘Clones are leading, 3-0, in the top of the 4th, former UNC-Wilmington hurler Brad Holt having allowed no hits during his 2nd professional start. First round draft pick Ike Davis doubled in his first pro at bat, and Ryan “How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?” Church has singled and doubled with one RBI thus far. Church is playing right field tonight, despite earlier reports he’d DH. Brooklyn’s A/V dept has resisted the temptation to play the Classic Ruins’ “The Room Starts Spinning” prior to either of Church’s plate appearances, which is just as well. It’s probably dizzying enough for the Mets outfielder to be in close proximity to such a high percentage of Jews, and he needs all the support he can get.

(UPDATE : after beating out a chopper to 2nd for a cranium-rattling infield hit in his 3rd AB, Church was lifted for a pinch runner. What’s more, there’s an ad in the Cyclones program for Rabbi Harry Hertzberg —- “a rabbi who can re-connect you to your Judaism”. If I don’t make it to O.J. Mayo or Liz Phair’s big parties tonight, you can assume Rabbi Harry and I had much to discuss.)