John Daly Provides 4000th Use of “Fat, Drunk, and Stupid” Quote on CSTB

Posted in Beer, Get Out Of Jail, Golf, Internal Affairs at 7:48 pm by


[Golfer John Daly, seen here, literally pissing away a great life.]

CSTB’s Gerard Cosloy was provided today with the 4000th opportunity to use his favorite Animal House quote, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son.”  Paramedics found John Daly passed out near a Hooter’s restaurant in North Carolina.  Reports that he let himself into his own cell with the key, provided by the local sherriff and his deputy, are as yet unconfirmed.  Cosloy has no plans to retire the joke.

WINSTON-SALEM, North Carolina (AFP) ” Two-time major golf champion John Daly spent a night in jail at the weekend after police here found him drunk outside a restaurant, the Winston-Salem Journal reported on Wednesday.

Police Lieutenant Tyrone Phelps told the newspaper that Daly was held at the Forsyth County Jail early Sunday morning to sober up.

According to the newspaper, paramedics went to a Hooters restaurant at 1 am after receiving a report that Daly had passed out.

When police arrived, they found Daly drunk and unwilling to go to hospital. He was arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct.

The newspaper reported that Daly was traveling on a tour bus and told police that others on the bus didn’t want him back on it after the restaurant closed.

According to North Carolina state law, police can jail a person overnight to sober up.

Touched By The Hand Of Stunt Hirings : Maradona’s New Gig

Posted in Football at 6:33 pm by

Did a lack of clipboard experience stop Magic Johnson from achieving coaching success with the Los Angeles Lakers?  Did Ted Williams’ non existent managerial resume prevent him from winning a World Series with the Washington Senators?  “A great player doesn’t necessarily make a great manager,” admits the Guardian’s Marcela Mora y Araujo, while still hoping the surprise appointment of Diego Maradona as Argentina manager “could bring the most out of potentially the best squad in the world.”

One of the most popular chants for Argentina fans is: “We will once again be the champions, just like in 86.” Could this be the way forward? A handful of players, the same manager, and Maradona in charge? The reaction of the Argentine press has been one of incredulity.  “Bianchi would have been a more serious appointment,” one vox-popped fan said. Journalists echoed the sentiment. “It’s not so much weird as absurd and shameful,” one told me. “My theory is that Grondona actually doesn’t want Argentina to win the World Cup,” another said.

Most negative statements were uttered in the traditional off-the-record premise, while the media analysed where they stood in terms of towing editorial lines. But Daniel Arcucci, of La Nacion, was happy to be quoted: “The risk is the destruction of the myth – how will someone so close to being a deity handle such an earthly task?”

The negative reaction mostly stems from Maradona’s turbulent off-the-pitch track record. Notoriously unreliable, lacking in discipline, and with an innate contempt for established rules and corporate status quo, will he be able to impose order and focus among the players who could form one of the best squads in the world?

I suspect he could. To footballers more than anyone else, Maradona is inspiring. His respect for the game and the craft of playing is contagious, and among the current squad there are players such as Juan Román Riquelme and Carlos Tevez who have been close to him professionally. The younger superstars – Lionel Messi and Sergio Agüero, soon to father Maradona’s first grandchild – will be in awe of him and hungry to learn.

35 Yards Away? No Problem : Spurs’ Bentley Auditions For Mike Leach

Posted in Football at 6:03 pm by

Just kidding, folks.  Pete Carroll’s probably the only coach in Division One who could afford Bentley’s services.  In other Gunners-related news, former Highbury fixture Freddie Ljungberg will reportedly become the 2nd highest pair player in MLS next spring when he joins Seattle’s expansion franchise. Said transaction has obvious echoes of David Beckham’s move to Carson City last year, an acquistion that’s resulted in much visibility for the league, but zero playoff appearances for the Galaxy. Presumably, we can look forward to Cristiano Ronaldo (with greatly diminshed skills) suiting up for Team Wilpon sometime between 2018 and 2022.

Can’t Stop the Tweeting

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down, Internal Affairs at 4:24 pm by

(Outside Philly, yesterday)

Because it’s even sillier than liveblogging: I shall attempt to Twitter from tonight’s World Series contest. I intend to focus more on the pre-game ticket hustle and the post-game celebration riot wake whatever, though I’m sure I’ll update between innings too.

To check it out, go here.

Rob Parker’s Popularity Continues To Slide In East Lansing

Posted in College Spurts, Gridiron, Hockey, Sports Journalism, Sports TV at 3:31 pm by

Michigan State defenseman A.J. Sturges (above) was hospitalized following a house party brawl last two weekends ago that allegedly involved members of the MSU football team.  After the Detroit News’ Rob Parker appeared on local TV claiming MSU quarterback Kirk Cousins was involved in the fight, Parker is now retracting his statement. From Wednesday’s Detroit News :

“I was wrong. I apologize,” Parker said of the report. Parker is a sports columnist for The News, but his appearance on WDIV Channel 4 is independent of the newspaper. The information never was published by The Detroit News.

“I have reached out to the student-athlete’s family and apologized. They have accepted. I also apologize to the Michigan State community.”

Police have only said “multiple MSU student-athletes” were involved in a series of incidents during the late hours of Oct. 18 and morning of Oct. 19 that hospitalized a hockey player identified as A.J. Sturges.

Despite Parker’s mea culpa, The World Of Issac considers this latest offense just part of an established pattern of Spartan-hate on the journalist’s part.

Rob Parker’s history with MSU athletics is not pristine to say the least. From my recollection, twice in the past, he was not only wrong but severely wrong about a story.

1. He claimed MSU Sophomore Paul Davis was a done deal to the NBA and that Coach Izzo had been told. Davis’ dad came out and refuted this saying none of that was true. Davis went on to play 4 years at MSU.

2. Again, another issue with the MSU basketball program. Brandon Cotton, a player who had transferred out of MSU to University of Detroit was given an outright release. Rob Parker claimed that Izzo didn’t sign the requisite papers because he was bitter at him leaving and Cotton would not get an extra year of eligibility. The story turned out to be completely false and Cotton played till the end of his eligibility.

So it seems, outside looking in, that Parker either a) has a grudge with MSU or b) fabricates stories to get listeners/readers.

America’s Newest Folk Hero : Scott Eyre

Posted in Baseball, Sad Toilets at 2:49 pm by

That’s right, Joe The Plumber is so two weeks ago (even if his recent appearance on The Best Show On WFMU was his most interesting moment in the public eye to date).  Both Deadspin and (ahem) Sons Of Bill Simmons are spreading word that Phillies P Scott Eyre (above) was the previously unidentified gent who said of MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, “I wouldn’t let him supervise one of my (bowel movements)” according to the Courier-Post’s Mike Radano.

While baseball fans across the land would surely concur with Eyre, the question remains, just who does the reliever consider competent enough to supervise his trips to the toilet? Peter Ueberroth and George W. Bush both come to mind, but surely Dallas Green would like to find some way to play a part in the contemporary Phillies’ success?

Phillies’ Myers Finds A Victimless Outlet For His Frustrations

Posted in "Wife Beater" Is Not A Fashion Statement, Baseball, Firearms at 2:16 pm by

“Here’s a story you could have fun with” suggests Philadelphia contributor Chuck Meehan, obviously mistaking me for someone looking to poke fun at Phillies starter Brett Myers (above).   “”It’s just fun to bust some caps,” Myers tells the Inquirer’s Jim Salisbury during his rainy day off Tuesday, constructively spent at Delaware County’s Targetmaster.

Myers grabbed the handgun, held it sideways and began firing. “That’s how the gangsters do it,” he said.

“You’ve been watching too many movies,” I said.

“This is a lot of fun for me,” Myers said. “I just like shooting. I was here Saturday, before Game 3,” Myers said. “The games start so late, you have to do something to kill some time.”

There are some similarities between shooting and pitching. Both involve hitting a target. At times, Myers shoots like a starting pitcher. Precise location is the goal. Other times, he grits his teeth and fires like a closer.“Sometimes I like concentrating and seeing if I can hit the target,” he said. “Sometimes I just want to go Rambo-style – no focus, just hold the trigger down. Let it ride, see how much damage you can do to a target.”

Myers knows worrisome Philadelphia fans are fearful that the hellish events of Monday could be the beginning of another chapter of sporting heartbreak in this city.

“The game is tied,” he said. “Why does that give [the Rays] the momentum? I don’t see any momentum change. I don’t feel it. Everyone is talking momentum. We’re still at home, we’re still leading the series three games to one, and I still feel a lot of positive momentum.

“We’ll take batting practice like any other game and go play. We’ll be all right.”

These were calming words, amazingly so from a man holding an assault rifle.