03.31.10

Townshend/Daltrey – No Longer Considered The Worst SB Halftime SHow

Posted in Blogged Down, Gridiron, The World Of Entertainment at 9:01 pm by

Thespian John Cusack, last seen in this space accused of baseball bisexuality by Ben Schwartz, recalls Chicago’s demolition of New England  in Super Bowl XX  (“the Bears were a wondrous team in ’85/’86: full of great personalities, before any  originality in sports was reduced to the common rubble of brand”) while describing the event’s halftime show in Tuesday’s edition of Boing Boing :

I remember witnessing the UP WITH PEOPLE halftime pageant terrified, with dilated pupils. It was a time when kids were ordered or bullied into attending high school pep rallies”with all that hateful homecoming gibberish.

As you can see in this video now, watching the performance was like diving into an ocean of bad fashion and forced smiles. Dr. Pepper dancing and Mom Jeans from shore to shore… pre-Prozac in motion…. military ballet… Mandatory cheers and quasi-religious cult patriotics… the glory of the empire. A choreographed tribute to the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King. A celebration of diversity, unity, and fluorescent leggings.

The idea that America would one day feel homesick for the ’80s was as alien to me then as that vast, choreographed grid of grinning dancers, goose-stepping to synthesizer blasts.

The three grams of psilocybin I gobbled before the game was the only thing that kept me sane.

Sound familiar?  Well, it oughta.  As New York Magazine’s Edith Zimmerman mentioned last week, Cusack’s been regurgitating his Super-Bowl-On-Drugs story time and time again while doing publicity for the megaplex smash, “Hot Tub Time Machine”  Zimmerman found no fewer prior instances recently where Cusack directly or indirectly mentioned the game in question, Up With People’s performance and his own altered state at the time.

This Is Why There’s A Mute Button : Four More Years Of Joe Buck

Posted in Baseball, Gridiron, Sports TV at 7:38 pm by

Days after HBO mercifully cut the cord on “Joe Buck Live”, USA Today’s Michael McCarthy reports Buck has signed a 4 year extension to continue torturing the American public as Fox Sports’ lead voice on MLB and NFL telecasts.

Fox Sports president Ed Goren confirmed the deal, saying: “We’re thrilled to have the voice of Fox Sports and one of the best broadcasters in the business with us for the next four years.”

The renewal will keep the 40-year-old Buck on the microphone through 2014. The network’s MLB and NFL TV rights run through 2013 and 2014, respectively. Buck says he’s also talking to Fox Sports chief David Hill about developing a show similar to Joe Buck Live, which was cancelled Monday by HBO Sports after only three episodes. The proposed show could air on Fox or a cable network like FX.

With the possible exceptions of Charles Perez, Magic Johnson and Richard Bey, I can’t think of anyone more deserving of hosting a cable talk show than Mr. Buck.  And if he could get a post-suicide attempt Artie Lange to make his television return on the debut episode, it could be a rating bonanza for whichever NewsCorp outlet the program is dumped on.

Stupor Size Me, Pt. II – Video Of Yormark’s Luncheon Stunt

Posted in Basketball at 3:41 pm by

(Pt. I). “My Dinner With Andre”, it ain’t. But I love how we’re assured those turning up for a Nets game wearing paper bags cannot expect similar hospitality. After all, that sale to the Russian billionaire isn’t final yet!

Denard Span – Son Of The Year

Posted in Baseball at 3:28 pm by

Earlier today during a Grapefruit League tilt with the Yankees, Twins CF Denard Span hit a foul ball into the stands that struck his mom, Wanda Wilson.  Though Span left George M. Steinbrenner Field in the top of the third to visit his mother in the hospital, who amongst us cannot help but be impressed with his remaining in the game for a subsequent at bat? How many of us are dedicated enough to our respective crafts that we’d put aside something as important as a family member’s condition to concentrate on a meaningless exhibition game?

Special One-Hating Telegraph Scribe Channels His Inner Billy Milano

Posted in Football, Sports TV at 2:54 pm by

Inter and CSKA Moscow are currently scoreless at halftime of their Champions League quarter-final, said encounter taking place a day after the hosts’ manager, Jose Mourinho (above) —in the midst of a feud with the Italian mediahinted he’d like to return to England.  “Over the years, England has taken to her heart lots of foreigners with funny voices,” sneers The Telegraph’s Mike Norrish. “Rolf Harris, Yuri Geller, Lloyd Grossman, Prince Phillip, and, of late, Aleksandr (Compare The) Meerkat…but the most popular member of our foreign legion, the most adored and admired “ the most special “ is currently being forced to live in exile.”

Sky Sports last night interrupted their half-time analysis of Manchester United™s fascinating Champions League quarter-final with Bayern Munich to bring us an exclusive interview with Jose Mourinho. œI don™t like Italian football, and they don™t like me, said Mourinho, in his funny foreign voice. œSimple.

Richard Keys, the embodiment of our national crush on Mourinho, beamed with excitement at this quote, visibly stirred by the prospect of our hero returning ˜home™. œWe love him, agreed Jamie Redknapp, who, when he™s not doing his studio thing, presents Sky 1™s Search For A Star, the channel™s attempt to turn Mourinho into Simon Cowell. It™s as good as it sounds.

Clearly, neither Jamie nor Richard thought there was anything wrong in devoting so much of their precious half-time analysis slot to a routine Mourinho interview (Indeed, given their excitement, it was a surprise they didn™t can the second half and play endless loops of Mourinho pouting œSimple, with Pomp and Circumstance playing in the background).

Mets Rotation : Santana, Maine & Pray For Rain

Posted in Baseball at 1:31 pm by



ESPN New York’s new addition
, former NY Daily News beat reporter Adam Rubin cites unnamed sources as claiming the Mets’ starting rotation looks like Johan Santana, John Maine, John Niese, Mike Pelfrey and Oliver Perez, in that order.  Pelfrey and Perez — one of the more well compensated no. 5 starters in baseball — have “underperformed” this spring in Rubin’s diplomatic words, though were it not for the club’s lack of depth, you have to figure one or both would’ve been candidates to start the season at Buffalo.

A just-diagnosed knee injury to Daniel Murphy probably means the reacquired Mike Jacobs is Jerry Manuel’s Opening Day starter at first base, a development that probably won’t set off celebrations in Sam Page’s household.

03.30.10

Stupor Size Thee : Nets’ Yormark Tries To Buy Bag Man’s Silence With A Big Mac

Posted in Basketball at 6:08 pm by

(l-r : The Situation, The Unknown Comic, Guy Who Likes Being In The Newspaper.  Not shown : Henry Louis Gates)

While Monday’s 90-84 defeat of San Antonio assured the Nets they’d no longer challenge for the worst NBA mark of all time, dignity in the Meadowlands is sadly, short-lived. Following an embarrassing, widely-publicized confrontation with a paper bag-wearing fan, Nets exec Brett Yormark attempted to curry favor with a conciliatory luncheon/webcast earlier today, catered by a local McDonald’s. From the AP’s Tom Canavan :

œToday was another good example of us being able to tell our fans, hey, when you want a voice, you™ll get one with us, Yormark said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. œThat™s who we are, the type of franchise we are and we want to be. I think resorting to a brown bag doesn™t do anyone any good and they realize that, and they were very nice and had good things to say about the franchise.

The lunch at the team™s headquarters in East Rutherford was streamed over the Nets™ Web site although the broadcast shut down because so many people logged on, Yormark said.

œI think, in many respects, a lot of good things have come out of this, Yormark said. œWe were able to reinforce our message to season ticket holders. We don™t have any more brown bags in the building, not that we had a lot to begin with before that incident, our players seemed to rally around it and we are playing our best basketball of the season.

œI don™t know if it was a negative, Yormark added. œIt was an unfortunate incident. I try to make the most of any situation and I think I did.