Parkes Has The Fever (To Defend Justin Bieber)

Posted in Baseball, The World Of Entertainment at 8:53 pm by

Major League Baseball  could’ve booked The Teenage Cool Kids.  They could’ve opted for the Mind Spiders, Uptown Bums or the Bad Sports (whom, I believe, have either met Demi Lovato or at least played a show in the same zip code). But no dice, instead Fox and MLB  have opted for the unique skill-set of Justin Bieber, who is scheduled to unveil his newest masterpiece prior to the start of Saturday’s World Series Game 3 in Arlington, TX. Persons of taste are generally appalled at the notion of this simpering wuss teen megastar disgracing the hallowed ground of a ballpark formerly presided over by Tom Hicks, but Dustin Parkes of Getting Blanked isn’t one of them.

I realize it™s hard for anyone with a brain larger than Bieber™s fist (about the size of a cue ball) to imagine sitting through three minutes of some garbage bubble gum pop tune where a preteen lady boy croons lyrics drenched in fabricated ideas of love and romance as though he™s felt the truth of either of those in his short and sheltered life.  But here™s the thing that will blow your mind:  It™s not all about you.

Occasionally, things happen in this world that have no concern with your best interests.  This is one of them, and there™s a chance that it might help to make this game more popular.  So for the purposes of those few minutes prior to Game Three of the World Series, hating on Bieber is hating on baseball.  And good luck ever finding your way to an Iowa cornfield after pulling that shit.

Pray To G-D Josh Hamilton Didn’t Inhale…

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 5:18 pm by


…or there’s no telling what sort of whipped cream relapse he’d suffer prior to a must-win Game 3 in Arlington. Of course, illicit drug use is highly offensive to all persons working for Dallas TV news programs, so much so they’re ably to quickly identify the substances faster than most sniffer dogs.

New Puritans of Sports Media, Still Easily Distracted By Hannah Storm’s Wardrobe Choices

Posted in Basketball, Fashion, Sports TV at 3:51 pm by

(proposed new outfit for lady TV journalists)

ESPN’s Tony Kornheiser infamously took issue with network colleague Hannah Storm’s red go-go boots/plaid skirt combo earlier this year, calling said ensemble, “œa horrifying, horrifying outfit…way too short for somebody in her early 40’s or maybe 50’s by now.” Kornheiser was reprimanded by his employers, but not without ESPN.com ombudsman, the recently MIA Don Ohylmeyer opining “(Storm’s) choices for attire are not helping either Storm or the network…if anything, they distracts the audience from interesting content professionally presented.”

You know who else seems unusually weirded out by Storm’s clothing? Besides the Taliban?  The Big Lead’s Jason McIntyre, who in addition to tweeting and posting on TBL about Storm’s “tight, short dress and knee-high black boots” prior to Wednesday’s Heat/Celtics tilt, added further observations earlier today ;

According to a source at ESPN, Storm™s colleagues in the arena that day couldn™t stop talking about her outfit selection “ walking onto the court for the team™s shoot-around looking like you™re ready to go clubbing “ and one person at the network said, œTony Kornheiser made her a martyr.

Our source says that it™s as if Storm has free reign to wear whatever she wants- while other women hear from their superiors when they wear something on air that may be construed as a bit over the line. Supposedly, Hannah was banned from wearing the bright red boots after the Kornheiser incident. Will she have to shelve the knee-high black boots, as well?

McIntyre insists the above controversy is “getting plenty of play on the web”, but that seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The most offensive thing about Kornheiser’s gratuitous diss of Storm wasn’t that be was ridiculing a teammate — folks at the Washington Post got used to that a long time ago — it’s that his critique essentially amounted to, “she’s too old to pull it off”. But really, what planet are the fellas in question living on where Storm’s less-than-X-rated getup somehow provokes so much unease and/or resentment?

The Amazing Return Of Norwich’s Most Important Cultural Export (Besides The Higsons)

Posted in Radio, The Internet at 1:30 pm by

Though I’ll admit to being clinically fed up with running beer ads (that I’m not being paid for), it’s tremendously inspiring to see that legendary broadcaster Alan Partridge has once again, bounced back. American audiences have been denied his hosting appearances on the military quiz program “Skirmish”, but the wonders of YouToobery will bring us portions of Alan’s radio work starting next week. No matter how widely viewed these clips will be, Alan’s still guaranteed to reach more people than Imus.

”I am delighted to announce that after years as a regional broadcaster on North Norfolk Digital my groundbreaking radio segment, Mid Morning Matters, will now be accessible to a potential audience of billions via the World Wide Web (www).

That it has taken Foster™s to help realise my dream of joining the information superhighway is a damning indictment of the established broadcasters whose shabby treatment of me on Sept 10th 2001 was frankly shabby. I made dozens of calls the next day, all of which were ignored.

My appreciation must go to Armando Iannucci and Baby Cow for ignoring the lies, god bless them. In the meantime I look forward to œhanging out ˜n™ chillin with the MySpace generation.”


Death In The Notre Dame A/D Dept : Isolated Incident, Or A Cheap Opportunity To Call Brian Kelly A Murderer?

Posted in College Spurts, Gridiron at 5:38 pm by

“With winds whipping across most of the midwest this week like a burrito after lunch through Charlie Weiss’ pants, how stupid do you have to be as a coach to send a kid up into that death bucket?” was the elegantly posed question by Sporting News Radio’s Steve Czaban after 20 year old Notre Dame junior Declan Sullivan was killed when his video tower collapsed during Fighting Irish football practice Wednesday Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly has hailed Sullivan’s “sense of humor” in the wake of the accident, but it’s a pretty fair bet the undergrad’s parents will refrain from laughter until long after a wrongful death lawsuit is filed.   Say what you want about Gerry Faust ; all he ever killed was a football program.

Disappearance Of “Hannah Storm – The Ride”, The Least Of ESPN Zone’s Problems

Posted in Food, Sports TV, The Marketplace, Tourism at 1:31 pm by

For starters, I’d like to point out that Dave Zirin bears no responsibility for the unfortunate headline above. The closure of Disney’s ESPN Zone restaurants was already noted in this space some months ago, however, it’s The Nation’s Zirin who points out the “human collateral” involved.


ESPN’s mother-ship, the Walt Disney Company, made the decision to engage in some creative destruction and the ESPN Zones were just part of the fat that was trimmed. This included the very popular locale in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. But there was one problem with this hard-nosed business decision: the 150 workers in Baltimore, shocked that their high-traffic restaurant closed, were told with less than a week’s notice. Federal law, according to the Worker Adjustment and Retraining Notification (WARN) Act requires sixty days of notice and severance. Instead, the workers at ESPN Zone were given the bum’s rush. Even worse, many didn’t hear the wrenching news through their boss. Instead, many found out their jobs were yesterday’s news in the Baltimore Sun or even on Facebook.

Now the workers are fighting back and fighting mad. On Monday, October 25, the former employee filed a class action lawsuit against ESPN’s parent company, Disney, to get the Mouse to comply with the penalty associated with violating federal labor law. The penalty for violating the WARN Act requires that Disney pay workers for sixty days at the rate of their last paycheck. The severance that Disney offered, which is shameful, is separate from this penalty. Their attorney, Andrew D. Freeman said, “Disney’s severance payments were inadequate as a matter of law and as a matter of human decency.” The lawsuit also shines a spotlight on the most vulnerable people in today’s economy: people who live day in and day out working non-union, service industry jobs that can be here today and gone tomorrow.

ESPN’s O’Connor : Mets’ New GM Should Introduce Himself WIth An Apology

Posted in Baseball at 1:18 pm by

Though acknowledging Sandy Alderson’s impressive credentials and (relative) pioneering status as a sabermetric advocate, ESPN NY’s Ian O’Connor — in perhaps his boldest public move since torpedoing Willie Randolph a few years back — insists the New York Mets’ new choice for General Manager, “has a hole in his game the size of Citi Field, as do scores of fellow executives and union leaders who once looked the other way” (“Alderson is likely to preach accountability with the sad sack Mets, and that’s fine..he would make that pitch credible if he started with himself, and took a few minutes Friday to apologize for an opportunity lost.”)

Alderson put together the Oakland A’s of Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire, the Bash Brothers who slugged their way to three consecutive World Series appearances from 1988 to 1990 before ultimately taking their heavy lumber to baseball’s good name. Of course, Canseco and McGwire admitted to using steroids, effectively nominating Oakland as a ground zero for the performance-enhancing plague.

Alderson declined to comment Wednesday about the A’s and their role in a grand pharmacological hoax, but the Mets’ GM-to-be is on record saying he suspected Canseco, not McGwire, as a steroid user back in the day. During his 2005 appearance on “60 Minutes Wednesday,” after Canseco had already talked to Mike Wallace about the steroid allegations in his book, Alderson was asked by Wallace if he had confronted Canseco about his suspicions.

“No,” Alderson said. “There were a number of occasions when he publicly denied that he was using steroids. And you know, the notion that he was going to admit to me what he had already denied on many occasions, I think was not likely.”

On the same program, Alderson’s manager in Oakland, Tony La Russa, admitted Canseco often joked about his steroid use and how clean teammates were wasting their time working out in the gym. “Our players knew it,” La Russa said of Canseco’s drug use.

Asked why La Russa wouldn’t share that information with his direct supervisor, Alderson said, “That’s a question, I guess, you’ll have to ask Tony.”

Weak answers from a strong man.

I wonder how many public apologies we’re owed if every executive with strong suspicions or outright knowledge of PED use during said era were held to O’Connor’s standard of accountability?  The number is probably not so small, and would only get much larger if the same criteria were applied to O’Connor’s colleagues in the worlds of print and broadcast media.   Canseco and McGwire’s exploits didn’t merely occur on Alderson’s watch, they also happened in front of alleged journalists who either looked the other way or were every bit as naive as some baseball executives claimed to be.