03.29.12

Jim Rome’s Survival Depends On A New Breed Of Desperate Attention-Seekers

Posted in Sports TV at 11:50 pm by

Fuck off, Dan Shaughnessy! Take a hike, Roger Lodge!  Jim Rome’s new CBS Sports chat show debuts next Tuesday and the former ESPN fixture tells USA Today’s Michael Hiestand, “the challenge now is that it’s such a battle to be seen and heard these days.”  Well, yeah, especially when current and/or former sportwriters screaming at each other is considered a superior ratings draw.

“Guys are less and less inclined to say things. They’re more careful. The stakes are much higher,” he said. “The second something’s said, it’s viral. People want to protect their brand.”

That can be boring to watch. (ED. NOTE  – NO FUCKING SHIT) So rather than having regular interviews like on his old ESPN2 show, Rome’s Los Angeles area-based ROME will sometimes bring on bloggers — “No need to throw out an interview just to suck up five minutes each day” — who’ll presumably have more to gain by trying to grab attention. (Funny if one somehow taunted Rome into, a la Jim Everett, flipping over a table.)

Carl Pavano’s Mustache Just Demanded A Trade From His Face

Posted in Baseball, History's Great Hook-Ups, The Law at 1:48 pm by

No one can accuse Twins SP Carl Pavano of having an uninteresting life.  The former Yankee underachiever who resurrected his career in the Twin Cities was allegedly the target of an extortion scheme engineered by a former high school classmate who threatened to reveal details of an “emotional and physical relationship” between the two. From The Record Journal’s Jesse Buchanan and Richie Rathsack :

In the affidavit, Pavano’s sister, Michelle DeGennaro, said Christian Bedard, 36, of Southington, was “attempting to extort monetary funds for his fabricated, false information” and that he believes he can hold the Pavano family “hostage” with the information.

“The only way your brother is getting out of this… is with a heart-felt apology and a navy Range Rover with tan leather,” Bedard said in one message to DeGennaro.

Police seized a laptop and a journal from Bedard’s Hunting Hill Drive home last Wednesday, but have not charged him with any crime. The warrant allowed police to seize documents naming Pavano and any computers used to send Facebook messages. It stated materials collected would constitute evidence in an investigation into second-degree harassment and first-degree criminal attempt to commit larceny.

Bedard told DeGennaro that he had a $1.2 million book deal. “That is my best offer, an apology and a Land Rover and I’ll kill the project,” Bedard wrote.

In a later message, Bedard said he rescinded the offer and said “the book is the best deal.” He also mentions his mother Elaine Bedard’s political connections and the fact that she is a local police commission member.

“What’s even better is my mom’s the police commissioner and there is an open file on you already,” Bedard said to DeGennaro in a Facebook message, according to the affidavit. Elaine Bedard, who is also Democratic town chairwoman, said Monday that she has nothing to do with the police investigation, which police confirmed.

The publisher of Bedard’s book has yet to be identified, but I’m a little skeptical there’s anyone out there willing to pay for a volume entitled “I Had Sex With Carl Pavano (And I’m A Man)”.   And when you’re done laughing at this case, please spare a thought for the real victim, who will have to spend far too much time explaining he never went to high school with Carl Pavano.

Lamar Odom is Totally Unbreakable (Unless You Dare to Boo Him or Criticize His Terrible Stats)

Posted in Basketball at 12:25 pm by


Let’s get the “pointing out the painfully obvious” portion of this whole thing out of the way first.  The Kardashians may very well be the seldom-awknowledged Eighth Seal that foretells the impending apocalypse.  And yes, I totally watch their shows.  I am part of the problem, not part of the solution.  While it’s a distinction similar to being called The Coolest Guy at a Creed Meet and Greet, Khloe Kardashian seems to be the most palatable of the klan. And, please forgive me for typing these words, Lamar Odom comes off as a genuinely likable guy on the show.  So why do I, like all Mavs fans, wish only a lifetime of dysentery on long haul international flights upon him?

Because he sold his soul for cheap, tacky reality TV show fame.  He took a reasonably respectable 12 year career in the NBA, wrapped it in a dirty sock and flung it into the murkiest river he could find.  I know it’s nearly impossible to believe this but this is the same guy who scored 30 points and had 12 rebounds in his NBA debut game.  Dude is, or was, skilled.  While he’s never made the All-Star team, his name is floated around every season.   He might even have a point when he says that he was snubbed in 2011.  Hey, at least he became the first Laker to win the Sixth Man of the Year award that year, right?

Then came reality TV.  No, he didn’t do the kind of reality TV where you eat bugs or sleep on a really uncomfortable mattress in a haunted house.  He did the worst kind.  He did the kind where everyone in the world sees you laying in bed, unwrapping and eating  an endless stream of mini Baby Ruths while your fameball wife talks to you in her baby voice.  Understandably, there’s been a Kardashian backlash as of late.  Apparently, people aren’t as into an unbridled celebration of all things vapid and foundation-caked as they used to be.  Or they ran out of “big ass” jokes.  So when it was announced that Odom was coming to Dallas, he was already a dead man walking.

And it wasn’t just the TV show stuff.  Mavs fans needn’t have a long memory to recall that Odom was ejected from Game 4 of the Mavs-Lakers playoff series for a flagrant foul on the beloved Dirk Nowitzki.  It got overshadowed by the much more flagrant-y foul Andrew Bynum committed on JJ Barea a few minutes later.  But Mavs fans remember that shit.  While Bynum’s foul was inexcusable, it was committed in the waning moments of the Lakers, the LA Fucking Lakers, getting swept by the Dallas Mavericks.  To add insult to injury, Barea was lighting up the Lakers defense all while being barely tall enough to ride a roller coaster at Six Flags.  But Odom’s foul was just so Odom-esque.  It was a big, dumb, slow, whiney, pointless flagrant foul.

So to hear Lamar Odom say that it hurts when he’s boo’ed on his home court is frankly laughable.  You had the deck stacked against you, sure.  But you did the stacking.  You allowed yourself to become a laughing stock on television each week.  You allowed that show to prove that you didn’t train during the lockout.  The only option you had was to come to town and prove to the Lakers that they never should have let you go, just like teenage girl on a revenge diet after a break up.  And you did the furthest thing from that.  You whine constantly.  You put up one point, one rebound and one assist against your former team.  Which is actually better than your stats from Sunday’s game against Houston where you managed to pick up two fouls on your way to a breathtaking two rebounds and zero points.  You’ve shown nothing but apathy bordering on contempt for your new team.  You cry like a baby because you miss your LA buddies.  And you’re “confused and hurt” about why you’re getting boo’ed on your own court?

According to some, Kobe misses your scent (no really, you have a scent) and is trying to get the band back together.  I pray for your sake and the collective sake of all Dallas Mavs fans that this comes true.  Until then, just close your eyes and dream of all the candy beans you’ll be eating back on the West Coast with your besties.

03.28.12

If Masturbating To A Cartoon Seagull Is Wrong…

Posted in Baseball, Going To The Zoo, Gridiron, Religion at 9:22 pm by

…SKIP BAYLESS DOESN’T WANNA BE RIGHT (image courtesy Brooklyn Cyclones)

Every Man Has His Price : Mark Cuban Says David Stern’s Is $25 Million

Posted in Basketball, The Marketplace at 3:40 pm by

Sincere apologies to Ted DiBase for the above headline. Barcelona excepted, jersey sponsorships are no-big-deal in professional soccer, and in some instances are a life saving cash cow. With that mind, how long before we see World Metta Peace’s LA jersey hawking Call Of Duty IV?   The Fort Worth Star-Telegram’s Dwain Price reports the NBA Board Of Governors will meet next month to deliberate selling ad space on jerseys, a concept the Owner With A Boner could not be more excited about.

“If the amount’s enough, David (Stern) will jump up and down,” Mark Cuban said. “He’s not going to do it for $200,000 from Power Balance, but if somebody offers us $25 million, it’s done.

“We just have to work out the split with all the teams so everybody gets the benefits.”

The ad idea would help some teams balance their books, and possibly help them pursue a free agent.

“It’s not going to be Go Daddy,” Cuban said. “But for $25 million, Go Daddy can be on my tush. But it’s not going to replace Dallas or Mavericks.”

Nowitzki said that the ad idea is very normal where he was born and raised.

“I think in soccer, that’s normal,” Nowitzki said. “Everybody has their main sponsors on the jerseys.

“That’s why the sponsors put their money into it, because they want to be visible. And what more visible spot than on a jersey?”

Frank McCourt – The Luckiest Parking Lot Owner Of All Time

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 1:46 pm by

As you’ve probably heard elsewhere, a group fronted by Magic Johnson and including Stan Katsen and Peter Gruber have reached an agreement (pending MLB approval) to purchase the Los Angeles Dodgers for $2 billion. While any circumstance that removes Frank McCourt (above, left) from the picture (save for the Chavez Ravine parking lots) would otherwise be a cause for celebration amongst Dodger fans, there’s something thoroughly unpleasant about McCourt being so richly rewarded for doing everything in his power to ruin the franchise.  Mike Onzanian of Forbes states that if the sale goes thru, McCourt will be go down as “the most financially successful owner of a team in Major League Baseball history,” status Hardball Talk’s Craig Calcaterra admits is “basically correct,” but “still horribly troubling”.

Troubling in that it makes us realize the tremendous disconnect between what baseball owners are interested in — getting a return on their investment — and what fans and players and everyone else in the baseball universe care about. A broader form of success either from winning ballgames or, at the very least, from an enjoyable product being put on the field or on our televisions, computers and radios.

I have my opinions, obviously, but I try not to be an overly judgmental person. Frank McCourt has made that pretty damn difficult in the past few years, because if there is anyone who deserves a good judging, it’s him.  He’s not gonna get it though.  He’.s going to walk away richer than he was when he walked in.

03.27.12

Stan Van Gundy Thinks Raptors Fans Are A Little Too Obsessed With Pizza

Posted in Basketball, Food at 5:39 pm by

While watching Orlando’s blowout win over Toronto Monday night, I was struck by the amount of noise generated by the Air Canada Centre crowd, despite the game being well into garbage time. “Who says Toronto’s not a basketball town?” I thought, until it was helpfully explained the locals’ reaction had more to do with a free pizza promotion that kicked in once the Raptors cracked the 100 point threshold (win or lose). After listening to Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy’s take on the situation, The National Post’s Eric Koreen sighs, “that we are even discussing this just demonstrates that we are going through another fairly awful season..this screams Raptors in every possible way.”


“I mean, everybody’s on their feet, standing ovation and the whole thing and then a guy in the crowd next to me sitting baseline said everybody gets a free pizza, so I guess that was exciting,” Van Gundy said. “That was the loudest the crowd was all night. They were into that. That was a big basket by Ed Davis.

“They’re going to put that on the highlight film at the end of the year. I was like, ‘Wow, what happened, I thought they had like an 18-point play and tied the game or something.”

At that point, Van Gundy was informed the fans did not get an entire pizza; just a slice.

“Really? We got a standing ovation for a slice? They told me they got a free pizza. A slice? A slice you have to sit in your seat and clap; you can’t stand up on a slice, that’s bad etiquette.”