Johnny Football’s Hijinx Have Reduced Gatorade Boy To Tears

Posted in Gridiron, Sports Radio at 11:08 pm by

audio from Cleveland’s 92.3 via Larry Brown Sports. Seems like quite the overreaction to Browns QB Johnny Manziel — now demoted to 3rd string — having a night off in Austin. Who can resist the free popcorn?


Jeffrey Loria’s Disrepect For The Fans Knows No Offseason

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 8:26 pm by

Tommy Hutton, Marlins analyst for the past 19 seasons was relieved of his duties Monday, and the Miami Herald’s Barry Jackson reports the team has little to say about the dismissal :

“All I got was, ‘We’ve made a decision to go in another direction,’ ” Hutton said. “They insisted it wasn’t about budget. I was surprised and shocked the way it was handled given the fact it was two months into the offseason and a couple days before Thanksgiving.”

The Marlins declined to explain the decision.

P.J. Loyello, the team’s senior vice president/communications and broadcasting, said only: “It was a mutual decision between Fox and the ballclub, and we decided to go in a different direction.”

The Marlins said they plan to retain TV play-by-play voice Rich Waltz and radio announcers Dave Van Horne and Glenn Geffner.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/sports/mlb/miami-marlins/article46131100.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/sports/mlb/miami-marlins/article46131100.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/sports/mlb/miami-marlins/article46131100.html#storylink=cpy

Nats Nü Media Dept. Very Familiar With The Word “Obligatory”

Posted in Baseball at 8:04 pm by


The above birthday message to Jonathan Papelbon comes courtesy of the Washington Post’s Dan Steinberg. Laugh all you want, but I’m since the Mets aren’t nearly thorough enough with this kind of thing, I’m gonna make sure Grant Roberts‘ birthday next September isn’t ignored.

Wildly Successful Entertainer To Face The Conseqences Of Bumming Out Entitled Putz

Posted in non-sporting journalism, The Marketplace, The World Of Entertainment at 7:32 pm by

In which the oft-utilized disclaimer “not The Onion” makes the inevitable transition to “not The Hard Times”. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the fountain of insight that is “indie” musician Ari Herstand (above), who via the not-entirely-reputable Digital Music News.com (“Why I Will Not Buy Adele’s New Album 25”) pillories Adele for eschewing Spotify, a streaming service he insists he’s “fallen in love” with, much as he’s “fallen in love” with scads of otherwise unknown artists the app has brought to his attention (case in point, the Alabama Shakes, who have never appeared on television, been played on the radio, received one column inch of press or played a single club gig on their rise to the top).

Lest you think Mr. Herstand is some sort of shill, he assures us he maintains a “vinyl collection of about 100 albums”. That sound you hear in the background is Cornell University placing Johan Kugelberg’s hip hop archives in a series of dumpsters in order to make room for Ari’s vinyl wonders.

Finally, he blames this catastrophic blow to Adele’s career (ie. she just lost a customer) on “block heads” shepherding her. Because she couldn’t have possibly come to a big decision like this all by herself!
If you’d like to weigh in on the pros and cons of Spotify, by all means, do so (on your own timelines). I’d prefer we focus on the work of what appears to be a bright new name in the field of consumerist satire. I eagerly await further updates on other products Ari Herstand will not be purchasing and am hoping that one of these days an accomplished filmmaker (I’m thinking Richard Curtis or Gary Marshall…maybe Lars von Trier if those guys are busy) can make a movie about Ari falling in and out of love with new technologies.

The Entertainment Of Cumbucket Media Pleads With You Consider A Cover Charge During Free Week

Posted in Austin, Internal Affairs, record collector disease at 7:24 pm by

A rare visit to the US of A by Michael Morley (The Dead C., Gate, Wreck Small Speakers On Expensive Stereos) along with an also rare (but not nearly as rare) Austin performance by Christina Carter (Charalambides, Scorces). The rest of the bill ranges from the SDM trio’s guitar explorations, the highly confrontational improv skronk & smash of Art Acevedo, the patented “was that supposed to be a song or is he repairing an amplifier” stylings of ATC, and the static-y one-man-gang that is Hunter Ross’ Sick Van.

It’s Free Week and this show is most certainly not free. Sometimes you get what you pay for. Tickets are $9 and are available now.


A Subtle Suggestion That Jonathan Coachman Isn’t Much Of A Journalist

Posted in Professional Wrestling, Sports Journalism, Sports TV at 10:46 pm by

Of ESPN’s decision to air a softball chat between “SportsCenter” anchor Jonathan Coachman (above, left) — a former WWE commentator — and current WWE Divas champion Ashley Fliehr aka Charlotte that made no mention of a recent storyline that alluded to the 2013 death of her brother Reid, The Wrestling Observer Newsletter’s Dave Meltzer opined, “the segment makes the news department of ESPN look like a joke” (“once you deem WWE worthy of coverage, even if it’s commercial in content, you then can’t ignore real pro wrestling and WWE related news, such as the Jimmy Snuka indictment and criminal proceedings, the Billy Gunn firing over steroids, the death of Nick Bockwinkel, or the controversy here”). Awful Announcing’s Joe Lucia echoes Meltzer’s complaint, asking, “Imagine if ESPN started covering say…Arena Football, and only showed game highlights, interviewed players about themselves, and broke a news story on occasion. That would come off as pretty weird, inauthentic, and half-assed, right?”

There are plenty of negative things that happen, including failed drug tests, disciplinary suspensions, and backstage confrontations. But then again, those happen in every sport – and ESPN covers them inside and out. If a wrestler sports entertainer fails a drug test, will it be a topic on SportsCenter? If there’s a backstage altercation that results in someone getting fired, will that be reported, or will it fall by the wayside?

If ESPN continues to cover only the positive and essentially act as a mouthpiece for WWE, it’s a real bad look for ESPN. Why does WWE get special treatment that the NFL, NBA, MLB, etc don’t get? That could lead to some ugly backlash towards the Worldwide Leader that they weren’t expecting.

Some backlash, sure. But ESPN seems fully prepared to withstand the fallout from Bill Simmons’ baiting of Roger Goodell. The percentage of ESPN’s audience that’s fully aware of the circumstances surrounding David Fliehr’s passing is pretty small, and it’s almost impossible to imagine how Coachman could’ve brought the angle up without things getting incredibly awkward. Charlotte didn’t script the scenario and is in no more a position to defend the company than Coachman is to defend Curt Schilling. Certainly there’s solid reasons to ask Vince McMahon or Paul Levesque why they thought it appropriate to call attention to the heroin overdose of Ric Flair’s son in order to generate cheap heat, but that’s a far longer discussion than Coachman’s given time for (and how many tough questions has he asked of guests from any sport, ever?)

An Open Letter To The Schmuck Who Thinks A Local Version Of Brooklyn Vegan That No One Reads Is A Paradigm Smasher

Posted in Austin at 9:52 pm by

So it’s come to my attention that some local nü-media dork thinks I’m “too traditional”. SAY WHAT? Would a too-traditional person put a bounty on the head of Jeff Lynne? Millennial SUCKERS are besides themselves with glee over a non-event like Lynne & assorted hacktivists playing ELO songs. Not me.

If I’m so goddamn traditional, how come I singlehandedly popularized sandwiches with meat on the outside, bread in the middle? Is “traditional” any sort of tag to put on a guy who spends HOURS a week teaching his deodorant-phobic next door neighbors a wide array of fakir skills (before I showed up they were glued to the Xbox and playing those stupid football daily fantasy games)? How many traditional people do you know who follow the religious teachings of a leader who only allows you to go to the toilet 3 times a year? How many “traditional” people do you know who donate a quarter of their annual salary to the foreskin reattachment movement? How many trad types do you know who hired the 4-Skins to play their wedding reception?

No need to answer any of the above. I’m not gonna be judged by some self-styled internet pundit who isn’t fit to pack my fucking lunch (because he probably puts two slices of bread atop and below the meat — WHO’S TRADITIONAL NOW, ASSHOLE?)