03.25.18

Today On Middle Fiskville Road : Inspire Pro’s War O’ Clock High

Posted in Austin, Professional Wrestling at 3:49 pm by

Very very pleased to sponsor this important cultural event — and that’s in spite of Joey Janela having ripped off Carson Craig’s gimmick.

Now Available For Your Download/Streaming Pleasure – ‘Give Us A Good One’

Posted in podcasts at 11:10 am by

With the exception of food blogging and LiveJournal, there’s no medium closer to my heart than podcasting — thats why they call me, “The Podfather”. So when Mike Garrido and Orville Neeley announced plans to launch what would soon become the podcast world’s most provocative new series, “Give Us A Good One”, I politely requested…no, I DEMANDED, they bump Christian Bland and book me instead. Thanks to both Mike and Orville for omitting the nearly 30 minutes I spent detailing how i survived an entire Juliette Lewis & The Licks performance — in retrospect, it really wasn’t that interesting.

03.14.18

CSTBracket 2018: 11 Years Of Never Figuring It Out

Posted in Basketball, College Spurts, Gambling, Sad Toilets at 12:16 am by

The best players from the first NCAA Tournament I was extravagantly wrong about as a CSTB contributor are mostly out of the NBA. In 2007, the year of the first CSTBracket, Florida won its second consecutive NCAA Tournament title, and only Corey Brewer, who is still implausibly doing his lanky and effortful thing with the Oklahoma City Thunder—and quite well, at that—and Al Horford have played in a NBA game this year. I am compelled to note here that Marreese Speights (above) is apparently still active with the Orlando Magic, although I defy anyone reading this to produce any proof of this. Marreese Speights, who played in that game mostly to foul a temporarily immortal Greg Oden, is now 30 years old.

Anyway, this is how it goes. Mike Conley Jr. will play in one next year, and there is a universe in which both Greg Oden and Joakim Noah will somehow play in one again, although that universe is a kinder and more pleasant one than this one. In this universe, 2007 was a long time ago. There was the looming Kevin Durant/Greg Oden question in the next NBA Draft. The broader culture had not yet capitulated on everything that we ever held dear in favor of a rancid carnival of pure animus. I don’t think Instagram was a thing yet. It sucked, mostly, but we did not yet know how good we had it.

Anyway, it is 2018. I would love to tell you otherwise, but the facts are what they are. And the fact of the matter is this—you, if you are at all like me, have not gotten any better at predicting what unconscionably uncompensated teenagers will do under pressure, on television, in March. I have always sucked at this and I always will.

I sucked at it, like sucked out loud and stank on ice, when I put up the first CSTBracket post in 2007. I am just as bad at it now as I was then, if not worse. At this point in my life and this shared journey, it is not not about getting it right. It is not about getting it slightly more right right. It is, I think, about the ritual of getting it wrong. That is the thing that has endured and will endure, whatever comes. These players will get it wrong, because they are human and young and scared and unfinished; we will get it wrong in attempting to essay how that all will go because all of that is impossible to predict. That is the game. That is the point. That’s what’s fun about it. It’s all we’ve ever really had. Click here to get wrong again; I don’t think there’s a password, but if there is one it’s “cstb” without the quotes. Go forth. Be wrong. There is no other way to be.

03.13.18

If You Happen To Find Yourself In The Alleged Live Music Capital Of The World This Mid-March (2018 Edition)

Posted in 12XU, Austin, Internal Affairs, Rock Und Roll, South By Suck Off at 12:26 pm by

Once upon a time, cantstopthebleeding.com was one of the nation’s top sports blogeterria (blogoterrarium? blogtoxcity?) destinations, appealing to the friendless and socially challenged and/or persons hungry for LOTS & LOTS RECRIMINATIONS. As the nu media wars wore down, the site retreated into near dormancy, maintained by an automated system devised by the same brilliant minds behind Do512 the Atari Jaguar

I’m not sure how familiar you are with the phenomena of “artifical intelligence”, but about 10 years ago the cyborg in question began organizing an annual free show in the middle of March at a respected Red River venue. From day one the event was sponsor free and impervious to the crony-heavy network of booking agents, garbage labels and the like. In short, it made no sense whatsoever but since the bill is always super hot and there’s no cover, hardly anyone complains.

So what happens when one of the region’s most self-important “underground” labels joins forces with a near-dormant sports blog to present an evening of free music in the middle of a trade-fair clusterfuck? If you’ve been paying attention for the last decade, you already know the answer to that question : sick lineup + lower percentage of jagbaggery than you’ll encounter in the rest of the neighborhood (until Sunday, anyway). Action starts early, no smurf by smurfette credentials required (free counseling for anyone with a Burgermania wristband, however).

9pm – TV’s Daniel
9:50pm – Tom Carter
10:30pm – Borzoi
1:10 : Bodega
midnight : Xetas
12:50 – Obnox