After serving half of a 5 year sentence for rape, former Sheffield United striker Ched Evans celebrated his recent release from prison with a cunning alternative to a press conference ; free of pesky journalists asking tough questions, Evans instead posted a video to his website in which he a) apologized to his girlfriend for an act of infidelity (as oppposed to, y’know, a sexual assault on someone else), b) continued to insist he’d merely engaged in a consensual sex act (for which he’s also, very very sorry), and c) pledged he’d be a great guy in the community if once again, allowed to lace ’em up as a professional soccer star.