Esquire’s Levin Risks The Wrath of Sully’s Across The Nation

Posted in Baseball, Sports Journalism at 6:44 pm by

(“did someone order ‘extra large’?”)

Between Scott Raab and Jay Levin, it’s beautiful see how a mainstream media outlet like Esquire has learned to compete with blogs —- tons of profanity! But seriously, what’s up with an Esquire contributor blasting someone for looking like a male porn star? Isn’t that the goal of the average men’s magazine reader?

For anyone other than the old Boston diehards and the enormous Frontrunner Diaspora, the Sox are definitely not a likeable bunch. At all.

First you™ve got Dice-K, $103 million dollars later, getting out-dueled for the time-honored title of 40th-best-ERA-in-the-AL — but hey, that™s a tough gig, going head-to-head with Jarrod Washburn like that. Over-hyped, overpaid and staring blankly into space — yeah, the fans love that kind of thing.

Like you said, Schill is a Hall of Fame blowhard, first-ballot all the way. And Youk doesn™t look like a prison guard, he looks like the pizza guy in a gay porn flick (or so I™m told). Crisp is a hack and so™s Lugo — and I really mean it this time — and Ellsbury™s just another Dave Roberts, only too young to shave.

Manny™s all-talent-no-brains-no-class shtick is the most tired act in sports — once he casually tells a reporter that Schilling kind of sucks, he™ll be indistinguishable from T.O. As for Tavarez, my best guess is he™s only on the roster to keep Manny from roaming the streets, indiscriminately asking strangers for weed.

Papelbon is just a jackass. And I hate to break it to you, but most anyone who isn™t a Sox fan wants to knock all the teeth right out of Pedroia™s smug little mouth. I™m not saying he deserves it, I™m just saying he evokes it.

11 responses to “Esquire’s Levin Risks The Wrath of Sully’s Across The Nation”

  1. matt says:

    guess i should start my esquire subscription now.

  2. Eric B says:

    “So they spent the whole Rockies payroll on ATM fees, spent it again on a bunch of dubious purchases and outright wastes of money, spent it a third time on six truly useful players at reasonable dollars.”

    …and they spent under $2m TOTAL for Pedroia, Lester, Youkilis, Papelbon, Buchholz and Ellsbury; throw in Okajima and you’re still under $3m.

  3. GC says:

    oh c’mon Eric. Like Pedroia, Youk and Papelbon are actually key contributors.

    and enough about Ellsbury — 0 for 4 tonight! Overrrated!!

  4. kt says:

    sox are hitting .390 as a team over the last four games. i’d call it money well spent.

  5. Jay Levin says:

    Hope you’re enjoying the series. Ironically, on my original Indians blog, we don’t allow much profanity outside of Game Threads. Esquire has a different style.

    Eric B., every good team has a few young players who are cheap, and the Red Sox are no exception. But your best three position players and best three starting pitchers are all big fat muti-year rentals, and there’s no point denying it.

    And even aside from those six major assets, Lugo, Varitek and Clement are EACH making more than anyone on the entire Indians or Rockies rosters, with the sole exception of Helton. Fact is, fans bragging about your paltry collection of young talent is just one more thing that makes the Sox just like the Yankees.

    You have shopped more effectively than the Yankees, though, I’ll give you that.


  6. GC says:

    Jay, might David Ortiz be considered an integral cog in Boston’s success over the past few seasons? Because I keep trying to remember when exactly the Red Sox used their competitive advantage to woo him away from a small market club, but I keep finding these distracting details about Papi being released by the Twins.

    Still, you make an excellent point or two, and just to try and level the playing field, how about we petition Terry Francona to leave Matt Clement off the post-season roster?

  7. Eric B says:

    “Paltry collection of young talent”? Jay, your Esquire article had what I assumed was an intentional irrationally-bitter schtick to it that was actually kind of funny. Self-Googling your way here to say dopey things like that just morphs the experience into all kinds of weird.

    If it helps, I’ll take your word on Youk-as-gay-porn-actor. Good luck next season, and when you see him, please give that Betancourt guy my best regards.

  8. GC says:

    if you don’t want people to self-google themselves, instead of criticizing them publicly, just go ’round to their house.

    there’s always a chance Jay did something less self-obsessive, Eric. maybe he actually reads CSTB ran a technorati search.

  9. Rog says:

    So, Jay’s point is that the Sox are a horrible team….and yet they beat the Racists Indians? What does that make Cleveland? Taking shots at player salaries (*yawn*) is valid, but you can do that while admitting that the other team is better than yours as a direct result. That’s a much better argument than “Red Sox are horrible” when they eliminated your sad sack of shit team after being down 3-1. Suck it, Jay.

  10. GC says:

    I think Jay’s point (assuming there is one to this sort of thing) was a tad less scientific. He considers the Red Sox “unlikeable”. I guess he hasn’t seen those “SportsCenter” ads with Papi spitting on his hands.

  11. Rog says:

    Maybe he didn’t read the Globe piece on Jacoby Ellsbury (who has Native American ancestry) who was almost drafted by the Indians. Ellsbury handled the line of questioning by the Globe writer with unbelievable grace and dignity. I wouldn’t have been as nice. Jay is a piece of crap if he doesn’t want to acknowledge the class acts on the team while highlighting the admitted tiresomeness of Manny being Wacky, etc. etc.

    BTW, I went to that loser’s site and I had to register to post comments. Least he can do is let comments be posted freely like CSTB does.

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