Keith Closs : Pimping Ain’t Easy

Posted in Basketball at 5:50 pm by

Regular CSTB visitors are well aware that I think there’s no greater entertainment value than minor league basketball, except for perhaps the public library. However, in all my years of attending contests in the NBDL, ABA, CBA, USBL and more recently, watching the New York Knicks, I have never experienced a close encounter with a player quite like what took place between the folks from German Media Village and onetime Clippers fixture Keith Closs at a Yakima Sun Kings / Butte Daredevils game.

“You’re my bitch,” Closs said. “You’re here paying tickets and part of that money is trickling into my pocket. In part, I’m pimping this whole crowd. I’m out here doing what I love, and you’re my bitch and helping me live my life. So you go ahead and think you’re big stuff there. You’re “Mr. VIP” (Editor’s note: Quote fingers were done around Mr. VIP. Those are by far the longest fingers to do quote fingers I have ever seen.)

Bowlhead was later revealed to not be a VIP after Closs, upon entering the game, tossed his towel to him with the quip, “Hold this for me, bitch.” Bowlhead threw the towel back onto the court, drawing the ire of security officials who asked to see his tickets. After going 1-for-2 from the field in a few inspired minutes, Closs found himself back on the bench for the second half. (“Coach wants to let the small guys play now. That’s how it is. I’m trying to spread a team formula around here.”)

4 responses to “Keith Closs : Pimping Ain’t Easy”

  1. David Roth says:

    Closs is still working, huh? He was probably the biggest — physically biggest — doofus on the doofus-packed L.A. Clipper teams I used to watch in college. When he wasn’t getting press for periodically failing to show up for Clippers games, he was making friends and influencing people by getting beaten down on camera outside a club (it’s probably on YouTube, but it’s really disturbing and I wouldn’t recommend watching it — true to form for LA, it was on KCAL9 at like 6pm) and signing autographs for kids as “Fuck Tha World, Keith Closs.” Stay pimping in Yakima, player.

  2. Neo says:

    Keith Closs IS and always will be GARBAGE. Playing at Central CT is not the ACC or Big 10. Is that like Divison VII? That tells you about his skill level… Any other 7 foot shot blocker would have went to a major college and received top notch…nba ready coaching.

    Any one who would sign a KID’S autograph Fuck Tha World, Keith Closs, should have his ass kicked. (Oh my bad… he already has)

    Keith Closs will go down as one of the most overrated players in Clipper History.

  3. Neo says:

    Did I say that he was GARBAGE!!!!!

  4. KEITH CLOSS says:

    well, i’m glad to see that there are soooo many of you out there who would entertain these thoughts of people who are obviously out of touch with reality! unfortunately, i’m not upset with the things you’ve graciously fabricated and posted about me. all it really proves is that you are very much starving for attention. to sign an autograph for children saying that would put me on the same ignorant, immature level with you. no apologies for offending you with the truth about yourselves. maybe you did’nt get enough attention at home (mommy does’nt love me, or daddy does’nt spend enough time with me), but it’s going to be alright for you one day! in the meantime, go and seek some therapy for your issues. trust me, my friends and i get a great laugh out of this stuff we read online, because it’s only so obvious that you don’t know me and probably never will! truly, i thank you for the countless laughs!!

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