Kyle Orton Is Da Bears Opening Day Tackling Dummy Starting QB

Posted in Gridiron at 5:09 pm by

Chicago coach Lovie Smith named Kyle Orton (above) his starting QB earlier today (link courtesy Kevin Rys), a decision that surprised absolutely no one in light of Rex Grossman’s struggles against Seattle on Saturday.  The Chicago Tribune’s Steve Rosenbloom figures the Bears are doomed either way, claming “Grossman left Seattle with a gash on his nose, a bandage wrapped around his right arm, and his career in a sling. Orton ought to start the regular season wearing a red jersey and hope Indy and Carolina buy it.”

Two weeks in a row now, the Bears’ opponents have played like it mattered, using blitzes and game plans, while the Bears have played like they are still lounging in Club Lovie. If your defense can’t hit your offense in full contact drills, then your offense can’t block opponents when they’re firing live ammo, and then you can’t really evaluate a quarterback. But hey, the Bears can’t evaluate a quarterback anyway, so why bother blocking and tackling in training camp, right? Pass the margaritas.

But wait, there’s more folly in Smith’s Gandhi approach and Angelo’s collection of, um, talent: They’re not good against the blitz, they can’t get better without practicing against it, and so, opponents are going to blitz until the Bears do something about it, such as forfeit.

Truth is, everybody will play quarterback this year (Pep Hamilton suits up Nov. 2) because the Bears’ offensive line is expected to be brought up on manslaughter charges. This is the real problem. I mean, Grossman was flagged for intentional grounding on a play run out of shutgun formation. Out of shotgun formation.

5 responses to “Kyle Orton Is Da Bears Opening Day Tackling Dummy Starting QB”

  1. kt says:

    how any team expects to compete with dan fucking fogelberg at quarterback i have no idea.

  2. GC says:

    that you totally set this one up just to drop that line…means you’re a superior strategist to Lovie.

  3. kt says:

    the picture wasn’t with the link i sent. i did find out that a google search for dan folgelberg is blocked at work. i’m more afraid than curious to find out why however.

  4. kt says:

    google image search that is.

  5. The 2008 Season Chicago Bears-Related Google Search Results Over/Unders

    (Provided For Entertainment Purposes Only)

    “Orton Hears A Boo”
    Results Today: 15 http://tinyurl.com/6mjbq2
    Over/Under (12/23/08): 180 results

    “Bears QB Caleb Hanie”
    Results Today: 21 http://tinyurl.com/6ls6dc
    Over/Under (12/23/08): 800 results

    “Lovie Smith Sucks”
    Results Today: 9 http://tinyurl.com/6qpgdw
    Over/Under (12/23/08): 650 results

    “Lovie Smith Totally Sucks”
    Results Today: 1 http://tinyurl.com/65s89u
    Over/Under: (12/23/08): 250 results

    “Grossman Interception”
    Results today: 618 http://tinyurl.com/67mafq
    Over/Under: 670

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