Rangers’ Godly MVP Hamilton : Hold The Celebratory Jello Shots, I’m Sober

Posted in Baseball at 3:29 pm by

Texas OF Josh Hamilton¬† “will face a dilemma as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict,” warns the Dallas Morning News’ Jeff WIlson.¬† “Players whose team clinches a playoff spot traditionally celebrate by dumping champagne on their teammates’ heads.” Or, if you’re Randy Niemann, by spraying killjoy Frank Cashen and ending up being reminded about it on CSTB every couple of months for the rest of your fucking life.¬† But back to the point of Wilson’s story, Hamilton, having already dealt with a high profile lapse in sobriety, is taking no chances this time around.

Hamilton has been trying to find a way to enjoy the party without ingesting any alcohol.

“I’m going to have goggles on, duct tape over the mouth and either a wetsuit or raincoat,” he said. “It can’t get on your skin. It’ll soak through your skin.

“I don’t want to send the wrong message to people who might see pictures and think I’m not serious about recovery or what it stands for.”

I don’t wish to mock however Hamilton chooses to live, but is anyone else getting, y’know, turned on by all this talk of duct tape and wetsuits?

7 responses to “Rangers’ Godly MVP Hamilton : Hold The Celebratory Jello Shots, I’m Sober”

  1. Baseball Man says:

    This article is pretty condescending… the man has a serious problem (perhaps you do as well and just don’t realize it yet) but I commend him for being up front about how difficult it must be to stay sober while being a celebrity. I also think if you are going to be writing for Yardbarker you ought to be able to refrain from using the “F” word… it makes appear to be fairly uneducated.

  2. GC says:

    dear sir,

    a) I don’t write for Yardbarker.
    b) hooray for Hamilton coping with his serious problem(s) but staying sober is tough for all sorts of people, celebrities or not. Given that he’s been photographed in a bar, slurping whipped cream off lady-persons-who-aren’t-his-wife, all the talk about duct tape and wetsuits is a bit much. If Josh needs to stay out of range of sprayed champagne, fair enough, but he doesn’t need to dress up as aquaman for the ceremony.
    c) “it makes appear to be fairly uneducated” – sorry, what exactly does this mean? Did you get a Harvard diploma for majoring in anonymous, cowardly internet posts that make no fucking sense whatsoever?

  3. Rog says:

    I’m thinking that Baseball Man watched the HR Derby with much enthusiasm a couple of years back and enjoyed every single slobbering word out of every ESPN commentator that night. Good for him. Somebody had to.

  4. Michael says:

    Good point about the cowardly ananymous internet post GC, your identity is so much more obvious!

  5. Lost my way says:

    I have no idea how I got here, but, I will never be here again. If the author (for lack of a better description) cannot do any better than this then this is my last visit here.

    Rarely do I express myself in such fashion, however, I have such disdain for your opinion that I think a flush is in order.

  6. GC says:


    IT IS that much more obvious. I’ve been editing and publishing this blog for 7 years. My name and contact information appear clear as day on the blog’s “about” page. If you’re incapable of figuring that out, by all means, continuing frequenting sites that aren’t likely to confuse.

  7. Ranger fan says:

    Get’m GC is a beast!! Lost My Way, your a fuckin pussy grow up and realize that everything wont be nicely said bitch. Baseball Man stop tryin to make others feel stupid just because your life sucks ass and you have to take it out on other ya fuckin doucher.

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