Soccer 101 With The Sports Putz

Posted in Football at 11:54 pm by

(the Sultan Of Superciliousness makes a rare public appearance. On the left, Bill Simmons)

ESPN’s Bill Simmons claims to have received thousands of email messages from persons pleading with him to “adopt” their chosen Premiership teams.

If such a thing is true…what the fuck is wrong with you people? Of what possible benefit could it be to ANYONE on planet Earth for The Bard Of 90210 to make your club his latest fashion accessory?

That said, full marks to the conceptual terrorist who sold Simmons on the following notion regarding Arsenal, a club “known for playing a Phoenix Suns-type style (wide-open, always attacking, tons of offense)”.

And for the first, and last time, ladies and gentlemen, George Graham can be mentioned in the same breath as Mike D’Antoni. Certainly, Gunners sides of more recent vintage have been in stark contrast to Graham’s “Boring, Boring” squads, but other than Chelsea, no defense has been as stingy as Arsenal’s over the past 4 years.

8 responses to “Soccer 101 With The Sports Putz”

  1. Dave says:

    The column was a 10 on the unintentional comedy scale…seriously the frat boy isn’t THAT bad is he? This is three rips in a row.

    I mean who can wait for the Soundgarden-EPL preview in August?

    “Blackhole Sun”= Boro?

  2. GC says:

    I’m eagerly waiting for a piece that details the comparitve career trajectories of Adam Duritz and Robbie Keane.

    anyhow, now that the Sports Putz is “supporting” Spurs, I think the moment is long overdue for Alan Sugar to reinvest in the club, if not take the whole thing over.

  3. Dave says:

    I’m all for that…though Duritz is clearly Ginola.

  4. GC says:

    it did just occur to me what a totally wild idea it might be for the Sports Putz to — hang on — “adopt” an MLS team.

    Of course, given that Simmons has already specified that his personal vacation plans figure into this scheme, maybe that wouldn’t work. I mean, who in their right mind would want to spend their holiday in Foxboro, MA?

  5. tbl says:

    If only I’d been shameless enough to put “not being relegated” as my primary impulse for supporting an English club I too could look forward to an exciting season of rooting for an EPL club on television rather than listening to CCC matches on internet radio.

  6. dat dude says:

    what a terrible writer this guy is

    oh and leitch looks like a fucking serial killer in that pic

  7. JeffWeaver4God says:

    Mr. GC,

    My English Championship team is going to be the Wolverhampton Wolves, is that an alright choice?

    And for the Scottish Permier League, is Hibernian an alright choice, I don’t want to pick Celtic; even though that is the team I play with in Football Manager 2006, just because in 2 seasons I replace Bruce Arena at the top of the USA Hall of fame.

    This may sounds sarcastic, but its not. I shouldnt have drank the rest of champagne my girlfriend left in the fridge a week ago. I should have bought more than a 6 pack of 16 oz. of Old Style. I am such a fuck-up.

  8. GC says:

    though even Glenn Hoddle doubts Wolves will be reincarnated in the Premiership the season following this, yes, my son, you have my blessing to support whatever team you wish. Even better if this is about your vacation plans being directed towards Wolverhampton.

    ah, Football Manager, the bane of all happy domestic existence. Well, that and amputee pornography.

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