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Eight Reasons Chicago Was Rejected For 2016 Olympic Games

1) Despite city proposals, the Graft Toss, 400-Meter Cash-Stuffed Envelope Delivery and Pothole Hurdles all rejected as Olympic events.

2) IOC committee members confused and frightened by bellowing Oprah Winfrey.

3) In an oversight, Olympic torch runner routed past Mrs. O™Leary™s barn.

4) Frank Gehry design model for Olympic Stadium mistaken for nouvelle cuisine dessert, tragically eaten during presentation.

5) Rio De Janiero thong bikini slide show scheduled after Tinley Park thong bikini slideshow.

6)  Selection Committee distracted by rash of YouTube clips of wordless, giggling, hand-rubbing South Side real estate speculators.

7) Daley plans to privatize entire Olympics in a 75-year $1 Billion deal met with disfavor.

8 ) In retrospect, Weiner™s Circle on Clark St. identified as poor choice for exclusive concessions contract.