England midfielder Steve Gerrard is said be “50/50” as to whether or not he’ll be available for England’s first-round match with Paraguay on Saturday. I’m 50/50 as to whether or not I’ll wake up in time to watch it or shall instead Tivo over several episodes of “Date My Mom” and observe at my leisure.

Fans living in Denver wishing for a terrestrial broadcast with English commentary, however, are shit out of luck.  Then again, the same could be said of anyone living in Denver in the first place.

You can file this one under the ever-popular “Don’t Mention The Score” category of things to forward to the easily amused/offended (link courtesy Wisdom Weasel)

It stands to reason that the Human Whoopie Cushion has turned to someone almost as poorly informed as himself for World Cup guidance.  Slummer David Hirshey says of former QPR striker Peter Crouch, “Beanpole striker Peter Crouch may look like a Caucasian Manute Bol, but he’s a lot more deadly at putting balls in the net.”

Uh, yeah. When he’s not taking penalties. Manute Bol?  Dude (and I use that word only when speaking to a total fucking moron), have you never seen “Only Fools & Horses”?

Leave it to Paul Whitehouse’s comic creation, Ron Manager, to fully appreciate the depth of Crouchy’s silky skills.

Former U.S. National team manager  Steve Sampson was fired a few days ago from his latest position as coach of the Los Angeles Galaxy.  Stephen Bishop-tribute artist Alexi Lalas wielded the axe, and yesterday tapped former San Jose Earthquakes coach Frank Yallop as his new man. Yallop will make his debut tonight when the Galaxy host Chivas USA in what could be called The Home Depot Derby, if that wasn’t just a little crass.  It’s the kind of event so overshadowed by the start of the World Cup that once again, I plead for someone in a position of power to consider the following :

a) MLS’ insistence on maintaining a full schedule during the World Cup only serves to illustrate the massive talent gulf between the domestic league (which admittedly, has improved considerably in the past decade) and an elite international competition that by all rights, oughta to be commanding the attention of anyone halfway interested in the sport.

b) someone oughta to cover the Angry Samoans’ “Carson Girls”. Let the Galaxy and Chivas USA fight over who gets to use it.