The charming headline above comes courtesy of David Roth, who asks
What’s thousands of words long, contains a debate about whether ‘Vitalogy’ is “almost irrefutably the best Pearl Jam album,” and has an exchange in which one of the two interlocutors says of sports fan-ship’s “unconditional” following of one team, “That kind of thinking has been the source of almost every significant problem in the entire world, except for maybe the hurricanes?” That, sir, would be a redux of what seemed (from your recent link-back to an old post) to be your least favorite series of arguments, ever: the great Klosterman-Sports Guy debate of 2004. It is happening…again.
I think Simmons has been spinning his wheels for years now, but I’m a little softer on him than you are, mostly because I really did enjoy his stuff at one point in time. But what is contained in the link above is excruciating — and it’s only part one of a debate that promises to include Jon Cryer, Audioslave and possibly something about TV poker. That said, I read all of it. If you’re also in a scab-picking way, go to it. You have been warned.
Sorry David, I was too busy composing 3000 words on the question of who is the finest percussionist / multi-instrumentalist of all time, Bobby Blotzer or Sticks Downey from “Happy Days”. Did you say something? I’d stick to sports, but the party invites aren’t coming in fast enough.
(Blotzer. In happier days!)
While the Simmons dude occasionally makes me laugh and/or reflect on what it was like to be a sports nerd to the utmost degree, Kolsterguy makes me laugh never and never makes me think of anything except which article on The Killers I will be flipping to before my trip to the can is over. 1 vote for Simmons!…also, if taste were a factor in reading/enjoying someone, no one would ever read In Cold Blood. I mean, ascots…seriously.
What kind of sick, demented world is it when a guy who blabbers endlessly about the “merits†of Pearl Jam and can actually sit through multiple episodes of Survivor is considered some sort of cool gen X culture critic? I don’t think I’ve picked up Spin more than twice since they fired Legs McNeil, and if Klosterman is anything to go by, I clearly haven’t missed much.
in the interests of actually researching something I’ve already trashed, I did indeed check out Bill & Chuck’s Not So Excellent Adventure. And the following quote from Klosterman was impossible to ignore :
“Arguing about sports is the ultimate cultural equalizer: I can’t think of any subject that so many people know so much about. I feel like I personally know at least 100 guys who have a “near expert” understanding of the NFL. If you watch the games each week (and especially if you grew up watching the games each week), you can easily have a 90-minute conversation about pro football with a total stranger in any airport bar (assuming said stranger has had a similar experience). There is a shared knowledge of sports in America that is unlike our shared knowledge of anything else. Whenever I have to hang out with someone I’ve never met before, I always find myself secretly thinking, ‘I hope this dude knows about sports. I hope this dude knows about sports. I hope this dude knows about sports.’ Because if he does, I know the rest of the conversation will be easy.”
It’s a wide, wide world of people with different sensibilities. And I can say with full confidence that mine and C.K’s couldn’t be more diametrically opposed. The great cultural equalizer would be ensuring that no one graduates high school without knowing how to read. Or making things like college educations and broadband access available to everyone free of charge. The notion that sports is part of a greater shared experience is too ridiculous to even contemplate. Knowing or having an opinion about sports is no more less a sign of a culturally aware person than saying the Crabby Appleton brings everyone together.
When I find myself having to hang with someone I’ve never met before, I find myself hoping this dude or non-dude has brushed their teeth. But seriously, I don’t want to bond with them over USC football. the brawl at the Palace, the NHL rule changes and whether or not Barry Bonds is a cheat. In fact, I’m a-ok without bonding with them at all.
this is just another example of how we’re living in a “culture” of lower than low expectations. Since we don’t have any legit shared experiences or values to bring us together, we settle for having the same TV viewing habits. And I’ve got nothing against watching TV, mind you. The goddamn thing is giving me radiation poisoning right this second.