Using linked jpgs of Jeff Van Gundy’s skull, Tom DeLay and Paris Hilton, the Houston Chronicle’s John P. Lopez takes dead aim at the Rockets’ most unsuccessful free agent acquisition of late.

If Bonzi Wells cared, he’d be on the floor by now. If he was unselfish, he’d take four minutes a game and not complain. If he had any sense whatsoever, he would walk into coach Jeff Van Gundy’s office with hat in hand and apologize for showing no class, no ambition and no sense of professionalism.

Trading Bonzi gets complicated, because there are restrictions on recently signed free agents. There also is the whole complex issue of showcasing him for other teams that might be interested.

In order to showcase him, he needs to get onto the floor. But if he gets on the floor, he’s hurting the good thing the Rockets have going.

Talk about a dilemma. Still, the guy is a bust. Flat-out. A big, embarrassing bust. Somehow, someway, the Rockets need to ditch this guy. The only thing he can do from here is hurt the team.

(Current) Grizzlies owner Michael Heisley takes great offense at the notion Pau Gasol is on the trading block, telling the Memphis Commercial Appeal’s Ronald Tillery, “I’m going to contact Cleveland to try and get LeBron James. So put in the paper that Cleveland’s interested in getting rid of LeBron James.”  Ha, ha. Funny stuff, but shouldn’t these executive decisions by all rights, rest with incoming Director Of Basketball Operations Christian Death?

Bad enough there’s another Stephon Marbury disappearing act to analyze ; the Sun-Times’ John Jackson claims former Bulls center Eddy Curry is held accountable by some for Chicago’s suddenly notorious headband ban.

After plowing his Escalade into a parked car while beating off to a pornographic DVD last Spring, the T-Wolves’ Eddie Griffin was assigned the most qualified of guardian angels, Vin Baker. Presumably, Mark Chumura and Isiah Rider didn’t return Kevin McHale’s phone calls.

Former Syracuse PG Gerry McNamara has left Olympiakos B.C. after a dispute over playing time. The Syracuse Post-Standard’s Mike Waters suggests McNamara is bound for the NBDL, which will surely come as a crushing blow to the ABA’s Rochester RazorSharks.  I don’t wanna say the ‘Sharks are desperate for an attendence boost, but how would you describe their employment of the kid from “Love Monkey”?

The bad news is the Nets have hired two women in their (early) 80’s for their new senior citizen dance squad. The good news is, there’s very little chance either one of them will hit Patrick Ewing with a paternity suit in the future.