If you’re like me (and at least a couple of you are, judging by all the poorly dressed, agitated looking dudes I’ve met at ballgames and gigs this summer), you watch a lot of baseball on the Worldwide Leader. And as such, you’ve been nearly bludgeoned to death by the endless stream (ha, ha) of pissing-problems commericals, most notably, the oft-repeated spot for Flowmax.
Without wishing to diminish the suffering of my brothers in growing-prostateville, these commercials are fucked up. It seems there’s a growing subculture of male, middle-aged schumucks who want to tool around the countryside together in a gas guzzler, but they’re afraid to do so because they might have to make a “pit stop”.
First of all, we all know that “pit stops” are just euphamisms for getting blown by a stranger at some highway rest area. So what exactly is Flowmax trying to say here?
Furthermore, the same ads show multiple scenes of old fuckers fishing — both deep sea and fly. Apparently, nothing prevents men from getting together to grab RODS like needing to pee every 5 minutes.
But the weirdest part, as always, is the disclaimer. Using Flowmax, apparently, might result in a “decrease in semen.”
I realize they’re required by law to explain this, but really, I need to meet the one senior citizen on earth who was about to splash out for a Flowmax ‘script but suddenly decided, “nope, no way. I need to maintain MAXIMUM semen production at all costs.”
If such a person exists, he can edit CSTB for a day and go for a Harley ride with the Sultan Of Sloth (currently getting the job done against the Yankees, by the way). I’ll set it up. It’ll be like the Make A Wish Foundation for The Decrepit.