Currently toiling for Colchester United (1-0 losers to Wolves earlier today), Teddy Sheringham is

a) retiring at season’s end,
b) the scorer of one of the most famous goals in Champions League history,
c) the former beau of a racist lingerie model nearly 20 years his junior,
d) the oldest man ever to stagger onto the pitch in the Premiership
e) a man who has manged to play at a relatively high level despite having the lips of The  Times’ Tony Cascarino firmly affixed to his hind quarters.

e) All of the above!

After a bit of dickering around on the part of FIFA, Landon Donovan has finally been confirmed as the U.S. national team’s all-time leading scorer.  Donovan’s 35 goals in international competition places him one ahead of Eric Wynalda, of whom it should be stressed, still leads Donovan in the all-important category of inviting Jim Rome to suck his dick.