….or merely the most Nardwaurian attempt imaginable to mess with the heads of Zach Randolph and Sebastian Telfair? He might call himself Lance Uppercut, but he habitually exposes Portland’s glass jaws. From Blazers Edge.

Q: At what age do you think John Canzano started going bald, and how do you think his baldness has affected the way he looks at the world?

This is where things started to go a little sour. First off, Sebastian had to ask who I was talking about, which tells me he must not be a reader of Mr. Canzano’s work. When I explained to him that Canzano is an opinion columnist of the Oregonian, he laughed and told me that he couldn’t answer the question. My handler, and nice young lady name Rebecca, got a little uncomfortable at this point and asked that I move on to my next question. She later told me she was afraid any answer Sebastian gave would show up in Canzano’s blog, especially considering Jason Quick was standing about 3 feet away when I asked the question. I told Telfair this was his chance to badmouth the local media the way that they often do to the Blazers, but Sebastian, being the diplomatic guy he is, took the high road.

Q: Which one of the coaches could you take in a fight?

I didn’t bother asking Zach the Canzano question, as I knew Rebecca would shoot it down, so I came at him with my back-up. Without hesitation, Zach answered “All of them.” He then stood up, shook my hand, brushed off Jason Quick’s request for an interview, explaining to Quick that he had a dentist appointment to attend, and walked out of the practice facility.