BAD NEWS everyone. Tom Candiotti, “one of the top 100 baseball players in history” (!) is not currently available for calls, video greeting cards or telephonic appearances.  What’s worse, is that despite linking to Hollywood Is for over a decade, I still haven’t the faintest idea what constitutes a “telephonic appearance”.  I mean, I’d like to presume it’s something sort of webcammy/Face Time-esque, but given the primitive vibe of the site in question, who fucking knows?

So you’ll just have to settle for Vin Scully.