On a day in which Chris Russo flexed his metrosexual chops by informing Mike Francesca that “‘Home & Away’ is the Australian ‘Desperate Housewives'”, you’d have to resort to an altogether different level of desperation to be Tuesday’s Lamest Broadcaster. And as always, ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd was up to the challenge.
Cowherd’s target du jour was fantasy sports, or more specificially “fantasy sports nerds”. America’s love of “clutch plays” has been erroded by the stats geeks, argued Cowherd, who longed for the days when guys got together over “beer and great moments” instead of numbers.
“All your friends are playing fantasy sports?” sputtered Cowherd (above). “Well, they’re all nerds. Nerds stick with nerds. Cool guys hang out with cool guys. Pretty girls hang out with pretty girls.”
Not since the days of Hebert Spencer has the public been graced with such a profound take on human evolution. When one overmatched (ie. he couldn’t yell as loud) caller argued there was genuine strategy and drama in his fantasy league’s stretch drive, the host quickly cut him off. “400 hours to win $1000 is a bad investment. You can win $1000 betting on one game and still have time to go on a date.”
Indeed, a cursory glance at the personal ads, craigslist, etc. will reveal there are millions of single women eager to meet a man who is really, really into sports wagering. Short of telling them you’re a sports radio chat show host, there’s no more powerful aphrodisiac.