If that was my name I’d want to put up 514 penalty minutes too (actually, I’d say it’s the spelling, not the name itself).

The Austin Ice Bats, otherwise known as the best damn pro hockey team in America with an 1100-seat arena, makes big-name minor league enforcer Ashlee Langdone (above) their first signing (along with the return of former captain Darryl McArthur – sorry Rudy, but as far as I’m concerned the new PR guy buried the lede).

Previously best-known for taking out Scott Gomez during the lockout year, Langdone spent the last two years playing in Quebec’s famous tough-guy league.

“I’m coming to Austin to fore check, back check, hip check and body check,” Langdone says, admirably leaving off the key part of an old hockey cliche. “This is going to be the best year ever for Ice Bats hockey and if you don’t want to win the championship, don’t sign here.”

In other stick-and-puck news…

What can you say about the New Jersey Devils hiring Larry Robinson as an assistant except, “meet the next coach of the New Jersey Devils?”

Have you ever wondered why so many NHL defensemen defencemen were lefthanded?

And if Peter Forsberg was a horse, wouldn’t he be taken out and shot by now? Instead, he owns a trotter by the name of Adrian Chip.