Chelsea’s 2-0 defeat of Coventry earlier today put the latter into the FA Cup Semi-Finals, a feat accomplished with the assistance of Ashley Cole despite the defender’s mid-week arrest on charges of, uh, swearing at police.  Cole had the misfortune of making headlines at roughly the same time his wife, Girls Aloud’s Cheryl, was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro to raise money for Comic Relief.  In the eyes of the Guardian’s Russell Brand —himself, no stranger to a media lynching — it’s all a bit much.

It’s interesting to see how these events are reported as the press dislike “Cashley” whilst adoring his missus, Cheryl. Thus a distinction between them is consistently maintained in print, the Sun even going as far as to contrast Mr Cole’s arrest with his wife’s simultaneous charity work.”Fundraiser versus Hellraiser” their headline opined. While she’s out raising funds that bastard is raising hell. Literally. He is literally summonsing up the condemned undead, like in the Thriller video and dancing down the Kings Road swearing at tramps.

That poor woman. Although for all I know she could be raising funds to arm terrorists while Ashley is essentially having a bit of harmless fun. No. I’ve just heard she was doing a charity climb for Comic Relief and her husband was swearing just for the fun of it.

No charities benefited from Cole’s profanities and at one point the air turned so blue with his cursing that a children’s hospital had to be closed down. He is destroying charity while his canonised wife is the new Diana.