(Sentinels head coach Ted Cottrell reacts to learning he’s not obliged to use Razor Shines as his offensive coordinator)

Not only is Fred & Jeff Wilpon’s Glittering Monument to Avarice & Greed available for mass weddings, flea markets and rock concerts, but a Mets press release breathlessly announces the return of professional football to Flushing this October. OK, it’s just the UFL, but technically, as long as the players receive compensation, they’ve lost their amateur status and can no longer entertain thoughts of playing for their local community colleges. Here’s some highlights from an e-mail I received earlier today from Amazins sales exec William “Bill” Ianniciello

The United Football League debuts this fall with the promise of exciting, traditional football played by talented professional athletes, including the rising stars of tomorrow, and an entertaining game experience. In its “Premiere” Season, the fledgling UFL will field four teams – the New York Sentinels, Florida Tuskers, Las Vegas Locomotives and California Redwoods.

In the first-ever pro football game at Citi Field, the New York Sentinels will host the Las Vegas Locomotives on Wednesday, November 4 at 7 p.m. As a Mets Season Ticket or Plan Holder, we are pleased to offer you an exclusive opportunity to purchase tickets for the November 4 game at 20 percent price discounts, with per-ticket fees waived, before sales to the general public. With this special offer, your ticket prices start at just $16.

For the Sentinels, led by head coach Ted Cottrell, this will be their only 2009 appearance at Citi Field. Please note that, for this game, all premium Citi Field club spaces will be open and accessible for your enjoyment.

OK, now I’m confused. Dazzled though I am by the star power of Ted Cottrell (what, Ray Handley didn’t return their call?) is this the UFL’s Premiere Season, or is, y’know, their “Premiere” season? But well played, Mr. Ianniciello. With the Giants and Jets off to terrific starts, you’ve got to pull out all the stops, and what could prove more enticing than the opportunity to roam around Citi Field’s Acela Dining Hall without fear of being pummeled for violating the dress code?