AL 3, NL 2

(now playing ; Ebn-Ozn’s “Bag Lady”)

I don’t want to say nothing was gained from watching last night’s American League 3-2 victory from begining to end. It gave us a chance to catch up with Al “Scoop” Jackson, courtesy of the good people at Taco Bell. And likewise, who could’ve been prepared for the amazing commercial acting debut of Will Leitch, in Taco Bell’s oft-repeated “good-to-go” spots? I know I’ve had my differences with Will in the past, but his portrayal of a dumbfuck, joystick wielding, taco-munching layabout was the finest performance this side of Rosie O’Donnell in “Riding The Bus With My Sister”. And I don’t think we can say too much about the bravery on the part of the Taco Bell company in their choice to employ a guy who has written so extensively about his own eating disorders. Male Bulimics R People, Too!

The Harshest Moment Of Night (easily) : moments before the closing credits rolled, Tim McCarver not so casually mentioned that Fox’s MLB contract had been extended for another 7 years. Joe Buck — in heavy, intensely creepy rotation of his own all night long, thanks to Holiday Inn, embraced McCarver and leered into the camera, “YOU’RE STUCK WITH US.”

I watched a PETA video about slaughterhouses the other day, but Buck’s the one that gave me the nightmares.

Marc Perlman described Trevor Hoffman’s performance as Wagnerian. Mr. Hell’s Bells might well have cost David Wright or Carlos Beltran the game’s MVP award, but I’m not losing much sleep over it (not as long as I don’t think of Joe Buck hugging Tim McCarver). At least Michael Young (above) can spend the rest of the year knowing he did his best to secure homefield advantage for the White Sox or Red Sox.

Houston acquired OF Aubrey Huff from Tampa Bay today in exchange for RHP Mitch Talbot and IF Ben Zobrist, along with 1.625 million in ca$h. OF Jason Lane was demoted to Round Rock, and most disturbingly of all, Joe McEwing — an invaluable addition to the Express since the start of the year — was designated for assignment. OK, so Joe’s struck out twice as often as he’s walked. So his OBP is .320. Do the Astros really believe there are that many other 30 something ballplayers on the planet who can replace Super Joe’s 5 HR’s and merely average infielding ability? I think they’d have trouble identifying more than two hundred.