Brian Turner, scouring the headlines for any story that will put hackey-sac rockers in a negative light, informs us that Dave Matthews’ bus driver really did dump 800 pounds of human waste on sight-seeing tourists.

Driver Stefan Wohl was sentenced to 18 months probation and 150 hours community service for reckless conduct and discharging contaminates into the Chicago. But if they really want him to perform a public service, it would take far less than 150 hours to drive off a cliff with the Dave Matthews Band aboard.