(Pygmy Shrews at 285 Kent, February 2012.  Not shown : Beyonce)

Of the rumored closing of Williamsburg music space 285 Kent, some of the pithier Brooklyn Vegan comments included such bon mots a “good riddance to this mold-infused, carcinogenic fire-hazard deathtrap,” “has a woman ever been spotted at that sausage fest club?” and “the only people sad about this closing are the ones who moved to New York in 2011.”

So it should go without saying that I kinda liked the place and usually had a good time there (though keep in mind, I was grading it on a scale that included other mold-infused, carcinogenic fire-hazard deathtraps mostly populated by unhappy looking dudes). Still, I’ve not previously considered that keeping 285 Kent —- or any other Brooklyn venue — open should be the responsibility of wealthy megastars (who may or may not have other charitable endeavors on their minds). And with that in mind, here’s a Change.org petition putting the fate of 285 Kent squarely in the hands of Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Jay Z and Beyonce should donate at least $1 million to pay the curators of the venue to stay open because god damn this place ruled. We can call it Club Roc Nation, no one is arguing against that. If Dame Dash can have a weird underground venue in Manhattan, there’s no reason Hov and Bey shouldn’t step in to retain this amazing space for cultural posterity. When 285 Kent reopens, Grimes should play a week-long residency during which Todd P has to do pushups the entire time sound is happening.