OK, Captain Red Ass calling Joe Beningo-Gazingo (mp3) wasn’t quite sensational enough to distract attention from Aaron Heilman’s latest failure, but I’m a big believer in staying away from too many negative posts about the Metropolitans, just on the off chance Matthew Cerrone is hit by a bus and SNY wanna spend some money elsewhere. Here’s a couple of highlights from this afternoon’s effervescent WFAN chat, as reported by the New York Daily News’ Adam Rubin :

On Monday™s cheers in the dugout: œI wasn™t there. The last few games – I™m on the DL. They have a policy here, the Nationals, when you™re on the DL you stay home. But they let me come on this trip because I live here.

œI don™t know. I™m not a big fan of it to be honest with you. I™ll be honest with you. You know, we™re struggling. Guys are just trying to have a little fun. I think they saw Figueroa getting a little upset, so they amped it up a couple of notches. I do think it™s a little bush league. At first it started off as a little fun, until he got mad. I don™t agree with it. But, also, Nelson Figueroa has nine wins in the big leagues and he needs to keep his mouth shut.

On being named in the Mitchell Report:
œI apologized. It™s something I did a long time ago. The perception, and people think that, hey, he did it last year. No. I did it a long time ago. And it was a mistake I did. I wish it would have never happened. It™s something I™ll have to deal with. But, you know, I™m sort of glad. I think it was a monkey that™s been on my back for a long time that finally flew off. It was something that I™m not proud of, obviously.

œI don™t view myself as a cheater. Obviously it™s something I did. And obviously it™s something that helped me. But, you know, a lot of people don™t realize I got into a bad collision and got run over at home plate one year, in ™95 in Double-A. And I got it prescribed to me by a doctor. A lot of guys did it. There™s a lot of guys in front of me that did it. Like I said, I™m not making excuses. It was part of survival. You want to be at home or you want to be playing? That™s the way it was. I apologized for what I did, but that™s plenty true.

Final comment, lightheartedly
: œI™m going to the ponies right now to win some money, so leave me alone.

If the Mets and Mike Pelfrey beat the Nats tomorrow — hardly the sort of sure thing Boogie Shoes is looking for — Willie Randolph’s charges will have gone an underwhelming 4-3 against Cincinnati and Washington. Granted, the Reds have suddenly shown signs of life, sweeping Florida this week (hanging on to win tonight, 7-6 in ten innings after Francisco Cordero and Mike Lincoln combined earlier to blow a 6 run lead), but the Mets’ inability to exhibit any mastery over the NL’s weaker clubs is all too reminiscent of what occurred during the second half of last season. Metsradamus‘ patience with Heilman is wearing thin, claiming tonight that if the middle reliever “had inherited the stranded castaways of ‘Gilligan’s Island’ back in 1964, there would have never been a show. Because the castaways would have gone home immediately like every runner on base when Heilman comes into the game.”