Jason Giambi has a deep, dark secret. Deeper than his compulsion to sleep on the side of the bed nearest the door, and darker than his dream of growing up to be a heavy-metal musician.

The deepest, darkest secret harbored by the New York Yankees first baseman is that whenever he is in a prolonged hitting funk, he wears a gold lamé, tiger-stripe thong under his uniform. “I only put it on when I’m desperate to get out of a big slump,” he confides.Franz Lida, Portfolio.com

While the above passage is the portion of Lidz’ Giambino profile that’s likely to garner the most attention, the piece’s final quotation is, I believe, the most revealing thing the former AL Comeback Player Of The Year has shared to date.

“After A-Rod retires, he wants to be a real estate mogul, the next Donald Trump,” Giambi says. “I could care less. As long as I can have a fast boat and a margarita machine and can light my hair on fire, I’ll be just fine.”