How does an eligible bachelor living in Des Moines, IA find a suitable mate? If you asked me, I’d have suggested getting the fuck out of Des Moines. The Iowahawk, however, mindful of the state motto, “”Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain”, has turned his carnal attentions to recent female guests at Des Moines’ Polk County Jail.

Personally, I think there’s something intensely creepy about objectifying these women who are already in enough trouble, as is. On the other hand, Bodog is monitoring CSTB’s page views, and as I’m so fond of reminding you, I can’t allow David Pinto to send his kids to one of America’s oh-so-dangerous public schools.