The LA Times’ T.J. Simers, not content with baiting the likes of Andruw Jones and Lt. Dangle, has a new target to tangle with at Chavez Ravine, and while Manny Ramirez has committed no baseball offenses to speak of since his arrival in LA,  the columnist seems unusually obsessed with the left-fielder’s hair.

If Ramirez returns to Dodger Stadium a week from today to open the team’s next home stand with all his hair, Joe Torre said he would make a donation to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA.

As part of the deal, Torre agrees he will say nothing more to Ramirez about his hair, believing Ramirez heard him the first time they talked.

If Ramirez shows up to Dodger Stadium without the dreads, Page 2 will make a donation to the Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation.

As part of the deal, of course, I will say nothing more to Ramirez about his hair.

But just between you and me, who is Torre kidding?

You think he’s going to bench Ramirez because the guy doesn’t get his hair cut?

You think if he fines him it will make a difference, Ramirez knowing he’s not getting paid by the Dodgers, so there’s no money to take out of his pay?

You think the Red Sox are going to take it out of his pay, and do a favor for the former Yankees manager?

I haven’t come up with a nickname for Torre yet, but Delilah is under strong consideration.

Right now the Dodgers have Samson batting cleanup, and it’s just a fact, if he cuts his hair — he loses his strength and becomes Juan Pierre.