Wayne Root, step back! Bob Gamere, back to the bushes with ye! CSTB Inc.’s track record is flawless — in our almost 18 months of business, we’ve got a 1.000 winning percentage on all major events ; World Series, Super Bowl, Pro Bowl, Lingerie Bowl, Bud Bowl, the Cheney / Edwards debate, etc. I can already hear Phil Mushnick moaning “If CSTB is always right, how come they’re not in Vegas right now?” Pretty simple — there are no decent record or book stores in Las Vegas. And I love you all, far too much to keep the intelligence to myself.

New England 30, Philadelphia 27

MVP : Corey Dillon

Best Advertisement : Kelly Clarkson, Steve Coogan, LeBron James, Jessica Lynch and Dan Rather for the Paper Cup Council’s “Things Taste Better In A Paper Cup” campaign.

Worst Advertisement : Sarah Jessica Parker, Mark E. Smith for the Gap.

Most Effective Moment for Al-Qaeda To Strike : when Philly are ahead by 10 points or more after the 3rd quarter.

For those of you wondering how I’ve determined this and past year’s winners, my formula is very simple. Just pick whichever team’s city of orgin has the highest percentage of adults carrying venereal disease, and you’ve got your result. The people of Foxboro (above) are a promiscious, godless lot, perhaps not up to the challenge in 1986, nor nearly as fuck-crazed as the appropriately dubbed “Packer Backers” in 1997, but in recent years, you might say that team spirit has been nothing short of contagious in the armpit of Massachusetts.