No doubt mindful that the end of the Michael Jackson trial robs his program of much of its material, Jim Rome spent a portion of Wednesday’s show wondering aloud “what kind of man coaches Little League if he doesn’t have his own kid on the team? What’s the matter, he couldn’t get a job driving an ice cream truck?”

While some of you might think Rome’s outburst is a predictable, simplistic reaction to the all-too real (and not at all funny) plague of kiddie-sex predators (otherwise known as Peter Files) infiltrating the ranks of youth sports, the real question is, did he go far enough?

The following is a list, by no means comprehensive, of many functions adults serve on behalf of children, without their own kids being adjacent as a prerequisite.

Science teacher
Drama coach
Piano instructor
Pediatrician (which sounds an awful lot like Peter File)
Ex-member of the Del Fuegos
Chuck E. Cheese employee

Going by Rome’s logic, shouldn’t these noble pursuits be subject to the same sort of scrutiny, if not ridicule, that Mr. Tell The Same Joke For Three Hours foists upon Little League’s coaching ranks?

(take it from Rome, the guy on the left cannot be trusted)

I realize that Rome is a dad, and hip fucking hooray for him. He managed to do it with a female, congratulations. But when he isn’t making like Andrew Vachss with two working eyes, Rome might wanna consider that Little League coaches who do have children on the team are no less likely to commit criminal acts.

Finally, there’s always the chance, however far-fetched, that some people just like helping kids. I can’t for the life of me imagine why, but I also can’t fathom why fashioning the only persona on earth that makes Jay Mohr seem like a deep thinker would be a good way to go through life.