Then I remember pitchforkmedia.com’s role in the rise of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Today, however, previously unknown artists are thin on the ground among its crop of reviews: all established names except for one, a “faux-metal” band called Goblin Cock (above), which have a song called Winkey Dinky Donkey and a line-up featuring Lord Phallus, Bane Ass-Pounder and someone known only as Braindeath. You certainly can’t fault the review for enthusiasm. It opens with the memorable phrase: “Way back on Heavy Vegetable’s second astonishing album … ” I’ve never heard of Heavy Vegetable. Perhaps I’m desperately out of touch with the world of “faux-metal”. Perhaps pitchforkmedia.com’s writers are making bands up.
Either way – and I may live to regret this statement – I can’t really see Goblin Cock crashing into the singles chart at number one with Winkey Dinky Donkey, although I’d quite like to hear JK and Joel ringing up Lord Phallus to let him know: “And what do you say to people who dismiss you as mere copyists of Heavy Vegetable?” etc. I move on.
Much as I’d like nothing better than to believe that PF have been perpetuating a hoax, those of us who’ve followed Rob Crow’s work — Thingy, Optiganally Yours, collaborations with J Lesser, a little band called Pinback — can testify that not only did Heavy Vegetable exist, but they played out, made records, had fans, etc. The sort of thing that a mere 30 seconds of research could’ve confirmed.