Using the sort of rhetoric that might limit his future CSTB appearances to one or twice a year (““I really for the first time understand humility…“It’s not everybody else’s fault. It’s not a coincidence that I’m here”) the rehabbing reprobate Lenny Dykstra tells the New York Daily News’ Nancy Dillon that “The punishment gods said, ‘You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to put you in fucking jail.”

Dykstra is now a voluntary patient on scholarship at The Hills, takes routine drug tests and calls his thinking “clear.”

“I’m a partier, (and) it leads to making decisions that probably led to why I’m here right now. And that’s a fact that I have to admit,” he said.

Dykstra scoffed at reports that he recently bailed on a formal agreement to fight fellow former baseball star Jose Canseco in a celebrity boxing match. He said the Pennsylvania fan who ran his Twitter feed while he was incarcerated signed the contract without his full consent and then fabricated quotes for a press release.

Dykstra said the Pennsylvania-based fan later staged a fake Twitter war with him, attributing anti-Semitic remarks to the former All-Star. Claiming he doesn’t even know the password for the Twitter account bearing his name, Dykstra said he now is pursuing a restraining order.