A headline reading “Intern May Lose Baby In Sports Museum Bankruptcy” is sensational enough fearmongering to win my approval. Especially after we learn from Eye On Sports Media the baby in question is a commemorative David Wells Beanie Baby, loaned to the newly bankrupt Sports Museum of America by a volunteer worker.

It’s a cruel blow for young Marissa Friday, who might have to pay $250 to recover an item that’s rightfully hers. And with that in mind, I am taking up a collection to purchase Ms. Friday an anatomically-correct David Wells plush doll.