Red Sox 5, White Sox 5 (top of the 17th)

(Curt Schilling might’ve survived a Jim Thome line drive, but who knows if he’s been able to take the play-by-play since retiring to the clubhouse?)

It’s been a thriller, folks, but in Beaky’s words, “me gone.” We’ve had all sorts of crazy heroics, a rare blown save from Jonathan Papelbon, some baserunning gaffes that would’ve otherwise ended the game ages ago for the White Sox…but worst of all, the unrelenting yammer of Comcast’s Ken Harrelson.

That the Hawk is an unapologetic homer will surprise only those who’ve never heard him call a game. But this afternoon, he has been simply out of control. When not bitching about biased umpiring (apparently, ‘Tek framing a pitch is a sneaky tactic right up there with the North Koreans aiming at Ken’s house), Harrelson’s personal MST3K session has consisted of screaming at ChiSox baserunners (“GET BACK, JERMAINE, GET BACKKKKK!”) and pathetic attempts at urging long fly balls over the fence.

I realize these are hardly new lows for the Hawk, but I only wish to point out that under normal circumstances, no one has to listen to him for 6 FUCKING HOURS. Seriously. This has been the baseball equivalent of attending a slasher film in Times Square during the early 1980’s, except the quality of overheard conversation isn’t nearly as high.