(Jimmy Buffett and friends, preparing to throw bags of urine at referees, like real fans)

The Heat will attempt to stop crying for a minute or two hold serve tomorrow night against the revitalized Celtics, but New Times’ Chris Joseph warns, “it’s important for those attending the basketball game to remember that you are, in fact, at a FUCKING BASKETBALL GAME.”

We love to give Boston fans shit here. They are insufferable entitled dickholes every last one of them. But shit do they know how to energize their team at home. Those Beantown fuckfaces make noise, even during timeouts! Imagine that shit!

If you’re going to fork over half a grand for lower bowl seats for Game 5, have the common fucking courtesy to shout and cheer and make noise. No one gives a good fuck that you’re two seats away from Lil Wayne. Stop rattling your jewelry and cheer, Goddamit. Or give your seats up to the real fans who have to suffer the scorn from the likes of that shithole Charles Barkely, who calls Miami the worst fans, thanks to you. It’s not a cocktail party. It’s a basketball game. Act accordingly, or crash your gold plated hovercraft and die in a fire