Playing college basketball at Grinnell College seems like a pretty good deal. Yeah, you’re very far from any other school — or almost any other non-maize-based life form — but you get to play in the most absurdly hyperactive offensive scheme ever unleashed on a basketball court. Grinnell runs an offense based entirely around scoring more 3-pointers than your opponent does 2-pointers, and shifts its lineup in hockey-style five-man shifts to ensure that there are always fresh chuckers on the floor. Yes, a Grinnell education offers a good degree, some interesting classes, and (I’m sure) plenty of recreational drinking opportunities, but for basketball players it also offers an opportunity to someday tell bored co-workers about how you averaged 17 PPG in college. It’s a good idea to leave out the fact that everyone else on your team also averaged 17 PPG.

And while a Grinnell education will cost your parents something like $120,000 over four years even if you’re on the basketball team, can you really put a price on handing out an NCAA-record 34 assists? The AP’s Luke Meredith reports on a record that was set in front of somewhere between 12 and 200 people:

David N. Arseneault (above) shattered the NCAA assists record when he had 34 in Grinnell College’s 151-112 win over North Central University of Minnesota in a Division III game Saturday…

On Saturday, coach David M. Arseneault, the guard’s father, planned to take a different tack by playing two of his best offensive players, John Grotberg and Keith Chamberlain, in 10-minute shifts to see how many points they could score.

When Arseneault had 14 assists by halftime, the team shifted its focus.

Arseneault, Grinnell’s career leader in assists, broke the record with 7:33 left to play.

“I didn’t even think it was possible. That’s just so many assists that I thought there was no way,” Arseneault said. “I had fun during every minute of the game.”

Grotberg finished with 49 points, going 14-of-38 from 3-point range, and Chamberlain finished with 39 points and 14 rebounds.

Arseneault had 22 points and doubled his previous career high for assists. His father felt the total could have been higher, noting the Pioneers were just 23-of-86 from 3-point range off passes from his son.

Aresneault may not go on to play at the next level, but he has at least joined Weber State’s Harold “The Show” Arcenaux on the short list of quality college players with that last name. Kudos on that, kid. Thanks to Brendan Flynn for the link.