(self-styled non-boob)

Were it not for a rather late evening celebrating the release of this wonderful vinyl artifact, I might’ve made it out of the house today in time to watch this afternoon’s Texas/Rice contest at a local tavern in the company of total strangers all wearing burnt orange. In the considered view of “Boys Will Be Boys” author/Sports Illustrated columnist Jeff Pearlman (above), such behavior, while perhaps OK in moderation, is downright loserish in excess (“I detest off-the-charts fanatical adult fans…collegiate sports should be fothe kids who play, and the kids who attend the universities”)

I am always at a lost to explain the adult boobs who, sort of literally, live and die with the Vols or Tide or Trojans or Hogs or Irish or ¦ whatever. These people, long out of college, refer to the teams as œWe, own a closet chock full o™ university colors, arrive three hours early for games and know the names and hometowns of every player on the roster“starting QB to fourth-string kicker. The kids they™re rooting for are 18-, 19-, 20- and 21-years old, yet these so-called fans have no problem cursing their names, booing them to death, calling them flops and failures and, if they dare transfer, traitors.

It actually reminds me of the all-time greatest SNL skit”William Shatner addressing a Star Trek convention. To quote Shatner: œI™d just like to say”get a life, will you people. I mean, for crying out loud, it™s just a TV show. I mean look at you. Look at the way you™re dressed. ¦ I mean, how old are you people. What have you done with yourselves?

My advice to you folks mirrors Shatner™s: Get a flippin™ life. Use your time more productively. Take a long Saturday afternoon walk. Hit up a museum. Travel. Because there™s more to life than college sports

One might even go so far as to say there’s more to life than professional sports. But if a large number of Americans took Pearlman’s advice and found new leisure time and/or cultural pursuits, what do you think would happen to the circulation of Sports Illustrated? What major publisher would pay an advance for a biography of such major historical figures as Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds? Pealman claims a recent SI critique of Tennessee football coach Derek Dooley resulted in a large pile of anti-Semitic, homophobic abuse aimed in his direction, and while I’d never condone that sort of thing, at least there’s evidence someone gives a hoot about the choice of subject matter. If it’s time to address the nation’s poor priorities, why does all the blame rest with the morons filling the stadiums, sports bars and message boards? Shouldn’t a responsible party like Pearlman’s paymaster, Time-Warner, consider reducing the amount of college sports offerings they make available via cable television? Or perhaps ending 56 years of SI, before society becomes even more hateful. Hey, I’m willing to do my part, too. If a revered, successful writer like Pearlman is willing to walk away from writing about sports, I’m equally willing to follow suit — for the kids!