(Waldman and Sterling, prior to receiving the club’s “no facial hair” memo)
The Mets and Yankees resume their annual Subway Series tonight at the Nu Stadium, and since I’m out of the country, I’m spared the annual articles that insist the particular interleague clash has lost any remaining luster and/or reminds us once again the Amazingly Destitutes have only won 2 World Championships compared to the Bombers’ 27. Instead, we’ll consider the (insane) suggestion of the New York Daily News’ Bob Raissman, who believes it would be wildly entertaining if each team’s broadcast team invaded the other’s respective booth. “The dialogue would be fascinating,”, Raissman promises, and they proceeds to demonstrate just how insincerely that claim was.
Sterling : “Ya know Ronnie, people love to knock. I was a National League guy once. Everybody knows I worked for the Braves,” Sterling might say. “Suzyn? Ya know Ronnie, she’s there to provide nothing but background noise for my terrific play-by-play stylings.”
Darling: “John is it true you . . . ”
Sterling: “That’s right Ronnie, you just can’t predict baseball.”
Over on the Yankees radio side:
Waldman: “Hello, Garwee. Welcome. It will be nice working with someone who can actually see past the pitcher’s mound.”
Cohen: “Thank you Suzyn. No offense, but I despise the Yankees. But it will be your pleasure — and honor too — to finally be working with a professional broadcaster.”
On the Mets WFAN radio side, Michael Kay walks in to join Howie Rose.
Rose: “Michael Kay entering the booth now. He adjusts the knot on his tie, flicks off a lint particle clinging to the knee of his pinstriped trousers. Now, Kay — slowly — putting on his headphones. He stares intently into the microphone. Wait a minute. He’s pulling out his IPhone.”
Kay: “Happy to be with you Howie. Do you listen to my talk show on ESPN-98.7? Do you follow me on Twitter? Did you know I have 47,311 followers, including the aforementioned kid I smacked around, verbally . . . of course.”