(If you could name more than 3 soundtrack contributors to the above film off the top of your head, you have already violated the CSTB Honor Code)

Sophmore forward Brandon Davies was dismissed from the highly touted BYU men’s basketball squad yesterday for violating the school’s Honor Code.  Though the exact nature of Davies’ transgression wasn’t revealed by the BYU athletic department, it’s been widely reported the Cougars are willing to sacrifice their Final Four aspirations because the player HAD CONSENSUAL SEX WITH A LADY PERSON.  Jeff Pearlman considers the wisdom of Davies’ dismissal and writes, “many conservative sorts will admire BYU for upholding their prinicples. I get that. But what if your principles are just plain stupid?”

At the University of Delaware, I’m pretty sure the basketball players were required to have sex. With everyone. And everything. That moved. Which made me ineligible to play for the team, or even serve as its manager or towel boy. However, I would have been a star at BYU. No sex? Crap, I just wanted to kiss a girl.

Somewhere on Planet Guubdbjsq in the Quad 5 Galaxy, a bunch of Guubdbjsq-ians are watching us through an enormous telescope. They see the oceans heating up, the glaciers melting, war in the Middle East, corruption on Wall Street, buffoons calling the shots …

… and, in Guubjab, the official language of Guubdbjsq, they’re saying to themselves, “This guy got kicked off his basketball team for snagging a li’l somethin’ somethin’?”

The closest thing to good news in this entire episode is that we can spend the rest of the afternoon pondering how Jason Whitlock might’ve rephrased “snagging a li’l somethin’ something'”.