Well, not quite. But scoring within four minutes of one’s Premier League debut isn’t too shabby, either. On the other end of the glitz spectrum, Oxford United defeated Eastborne Borough, 6-3, before nearly 4000 at the Kassam Stadium (and outdrawing at least one match two tiers above the Conference). Incredibly, there’s no You Tube footage from The U’s rout, but perhaps you’ll find this a suitable substitute.