Hey, as long as Nash and The Big Show are still breathing, Shaquille O’Neal will never be the laziest big man to set foot in the squared circle. “Tonight was all about sitting back and letting the crazy wash over you,” observed Cavs The Blog’s John Krolik, “like you™re dealing with a pack of separatist wolverines with a firehose.”   Needless to say, Mr. Krolik wasn’t attending the Stellastarr* show at the Parish.

Shaq comes out and says œMy new teammate LeBron James says hi. Hearty boos. So the elephant in the room has been discussed, I suppose.

-Chris Jericho, who at this point of his career has a œI am way, way too smart to still be a professional wrestler, but I™m just going to roll with it, thing going, comes out in a blazer and starts telling Shaq that Shaq should respect him. Shaq responds by calling Jericho œChristina. Max money, the Cavs are paying.

-Chris Jericho has œThe Big Show, who™s Shaq™s height but somehow has like 150 pounds on him, come out and get into a stare-down with Shaq. I must say, at this point I was happy about how in-shape Shaq looks.

-Shaq challenges Big Show to a fight. Big Show backs out, saying that he™d hurt Shaq but doesn™t want to have to deal with the wraith of David Stern and his lawyers. The crowd boos like they™re supposed to, but I™m actually surprised that didn™t go over better in an arena full of Wizards fans. (I kid, I kid.)

Shaq™s 2nd promo of the night: None of the following is exaggerated. Shaq is in a room with a mini-hoop, then starts joking with a mute midget dressed like a Leprechaun named Hornswoggle, saying they œwent to high school together. He offers Hornswoggle something called œEnlyte Energy Strips, gives him a mini-ball and tells him to dunk on the mini-hoop, saying œ˜come on, Nate Robinson. Hornswoggle declines the energy strips, runs around the room, and gets rim-stuffed by the Nerf hoop. Shaq puts the energy strips on Hornswoggle™s chest. Someone says œThat was Shaqalicious. All of that actually happened.