(the Sultan Of Superciliousness makes a rare public appearance. On the left, Bill Simmons)

ESPN’s Bill Simmons claims to have received thousands of email messages from persons pleading with him to “adopt” their chosen Premiership teams.

If such a thing is true…what the fuck is wrong with you people? Of what possible benefit could it be to ANYONE on planet Earth for The Bard Of 90210 to make your club his latest fashion accessory?

That said, full marks to the conceptual terrorist who sold Simmons on the following notion regarding Arsenal, a club “known for playing a Phoenix Suns-type style (wide-open, always attacking, tons of offense)”.

And for the first, and last time, ladies and gentlemen, George Graham can be mentioned in the same breath as Mike D’Antoni. Certainly, Gunners sides of more recent vintage have been in stark contrast to Graham’s “Boring, Boring” squads, but other than Chelsea, no defense has been as stingy as Arsenal’s over the past 4 years.